One of the hardest things for me to understand is that it's okay to be alone.
Being alone is sometimes not the same as being lonely.
Being lonely is the worst, but being alone is okay.
Many of my friendships have changed over the years and every time they do I mourn and move on and every time it gets a little easier.
That's not because I care about those friends less but it gets easier being alone each time I have to be.
It may sound horrible but sometimes I just get too attached. Sometimes I just want to be alone, even when a new friend comes into my life.
And then sometimes I might be alone and then I find a friend that just impedes into my life anyways.
And it's hard when a friendship dies but sometimes it has to. Sometimes I'm the one to end it, and sometimes I fight.
But if I fight and don't get anywhere, I will give up.
AND TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT THAT.
That is the hardest to come back from with me.
If I give up, I've lost trust.
With me trust is weird. I'll trust you the moment I meet you but every moment there after I start to lose it. But if I fully lose trust in you, oh it's really hard to come back from that. I mean it's happened. But like once. Ever.
I don't like being by myself because then I'm by myself and I don't always like myself. But sometimes being alone is the only way to cope with yourself.
And that's okay.
