Colors blur in a sea of people

Walking around me in a public space,

My head is telling me to keep moving forward

But my body stays still.

My breaths become faster, shallower

Than they were a minute ago,

I begin to feel dizzy.

An overwhelming sense of dread comes over me;

I know what comes next.

I refuse to acknowledge it.

I force myself to continue on my way,

I hide the tears from curious eyes

Of bystanders and other people passing by me.

I turn my head away if I accidentally make eye contact because

The only thing worse than people seeing me cry

Is people asking me why I'm crying.

People who may care but will forget me in a day's time;

Their genuine concern is what saddens me,

Because these strangers are seeing more of me

Than my friends do.

These strangers are witnessing the very thing

I try to keep locked up all day long;

What I refuse to bother those that I know with.

They won't understand.

I don't understand.

I'm surrounded but I'm so alone.