On this past Friday, the world lost Anthony Bourdain at age 61. Bourdain was a world-renowned traveler, foodie, and show host who touched the travel bug in every viewer's heart. Bourdain's death comes as the third celebrity suicide in the past two months, alongside world-famous DJ, Avicii, and fashion icon Kate Spade. As they say, bad things come in threes, and this celebrity suicide has added to the growing concern of an increasing suicide rate in the celebrities that many of us know and love.

Almost a year and a half ago, I sat in a psychiatric hospital after an attempted suicide a month after moving away for college. I spent a week in rehabilitation as my body healed and I attempted to get my mental health back on track. While this was not my last or final time in a dark place, it was my last attempt that landed me in a hospital.

The 'dark place' is what I refer to when we're talking about suicide. It's a hole. You see no light, no way out, and it's utterly terrifying. All of a sudden, nothing seems important enough anymore, and you know you don't want to live. Anyone who's ever said suicide is a selfish way to go has no idea or concept as to how dark this place really is. You feel like you're drowning and regardless of what or who you think of, you still no longer have a will to live.

This didn't ever come out of nowhere, normally in the weeks leading up to both attempts in my lifetime, it started simply with just not caring whether I lived or died. This means I was participating in risky behavior, and the fear of death seemed to be a distant thought. Thoughts as simple as "Worst case I die, and I guess that's not so bad anymore". I lost my will to live.

Then there would be a shift. No longer was it just about not caring about living or dying, I then would desire to be dead. I wanted it all to stop. Everything felt like chaos, and somehow my mind would convince me that the only way to get help or stop it was to kill myself.

This article isn't a 'feel bad for me' and for so long I've been ashamed of what happened and felt that I needed to bury it and pretend it didn't happen. The time has begun now though to talk about it. To share my story and what I learned, because I know I'm not the only one. If my story can empathize with one person, it's worth sharing my story.

Let me start by saying that at the time, I saw no way out. It's easy to look back and say how I had so much to live for, but at the time, I didn't see anything. At the moment, you can't be optimistic. For myself, it was physically impossible. I knew I had parents and friends who loved me, I knew I was lucky, and I knew I had a lot left to accomplish. I simply didn't care. And it wasn't until I woke up in the hospital at 4 AM that I realized the grave mistake I had made.

There is no easy way out. I think that the concept that it would take one action to end it all makes people think it's easy and quick. It's not. There is no easy way out. There's no painless way out. In order to kill yourself, you are going to feel pain and sadly, sometimes there's no way to turn back.

I always accused myself of being a coward. I called for help immediately after I did it. I remember thinking "you coward, you couldn't even go through with the decision". But in hindsight, if my friends hadn't come looking for me and found me, I could very well not be here today.

To the friends who were in that bathroom and the one friend who made the decision to call for help, I owe you my life. Any success, regardless of whether we're lifelong friends or not, is owed to the fact that you kept me alive in my darkest moment. I'm sorry for what you had to see, and I'm sorry you got sucked into my own personal battle, but thank you.

I watched a video a couple months later about the alarming number of people who have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Of the few who survived, one man said something that will stick with me the rest of my life. He simply said, "The minute I jumped off that bridge, I realized I didn't want to die anymore". What gives us a sad perspective for those who successfully ended their lives is a silver lining to those who may ever come into these situations. He didn't want to die. When I attempted my suicide, after doing the damage, I too realized I didn't want to die. Everything that seemed like such a big deal at the time suddenly wasn't. At that moment, all I wanted was my parents. I wanted to be held. I wanted to feel protected, and I didn't care anymore about any of the things that brought me to that bathroom on that night.

I am a survivor and anyone who's ever even thought about ending their lives is too.

I know how you feel. I know how dark everything can get. I especially know what it's like to feel alone and that no one cares. It's easy for someone like me or those who aren't you to tell you it's going to be okay. Most of all, I know that it's hard to swallow, but people are going to care if you kill yourself. People are going to mourn you. Your parents will have a broken heart for the rest of their lives. You may think they will, but people you love are never going to get over it.

I remember asking my therapist a question soon after the attempt: "Why do I have to try to kill myself in order for me to realize I matter?"

She said that often times the dark place we go silences the noise around us. It's not selfish to want to die, because really, your brain isn't able to see light any longer. I have amazing parents, a sister who loves me, and friends I can count on, but in that sliver of time, I didn't see it.

To my family, I'm sorry for the great deal of pain and suffering I caused you. Now that I'm better, I have a hard time not blaming myself for causing you so much pain, but I know you don't blame me.

When you enter that dark place, the most important thing you can realize is that you're in that very dark place. As soon as I was able to recognize what was happening, I knew the behaviors that would come with it. Things seem hopeless, but they're not. Things seem unfixable, but they're not. Most of all, you think no one could love you, but people do.

I'm not a health expert. I don't have a Ph.D. I really have no place to tell you how to feel. But I can share my story.

You are never alone. You have worth. You have so much time to live and have amazing new experiences. It gets better, as cliche as it sounds, it really does. Things aren't going to be perfect, you're going to have to work at bettering your own mental health, but don't give up. The hundreds of amazing memories that I would've never lived to see had I died that night are reminders to never think you know it all. You think nothing could possibly get better and that's a lie. I would never have met so many amazing people who are not pivotal to my happiness now had I died. I would have never been able to sit here and tell someone else who thinks they want to die that they matter.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

You're going to be okay, and you will make it to the other side.

I promise it gets better.