After my first year of college in the summer of 2013, I didn’t have a lot to think about besides enjoying myself and hanging out with my friends and family. But I’m going to backtrack real quick for an explanation of military recruitment in the United States. A recruiter, who has experience in a specific branch, calls your house or visit your school and tries to recruit you to join. Men over the age of 18 have to sign up for the Selective Service and that’s how the recruiters get your house number.

Whenever I tell this story I always start it off with “the time I almost accidentally became a Marine” and that’s about as accurate of the situation I can get without spoiling the story.

So the summer just started and I was hanging out at home, like most people, enjoying my time with my family and friends. My mom handed me the phone with no context and the recruiter introduced himself, I cannot remember his name, made pleasantries, asking about my life and wondering if I could come in to talk to him about joining. I will never forget it but my mom looked at me and said, “It’s a job. Take it.” I don’t think she understood who I was talking to.

So the next day I went to the recruiter’s office at noon and talked to the recruiter. I had an industrial piercing and one tattoo at the time but both were a non issue with the recruiter. I was there from noon until 6pm talking to the recruiter and going over every single detail from signing up for MEPS and the ASVAB to every week and weekend during basic training. He had me do push ups, sit ups and pull ups. I took a practice ASVAB and the recruiter told me I would be best qualified for Mortar man (MOS 0341) based on my scores. It got to the point where I walked home with the paperwork to sign up and ship out.

My parents were worried about where I had been the whole day and wondered if I was actually going to do it. I laughed and shrugged it off.

About one to five times a week I think about that day. I think about what my life would have been like and I think about if I could still do it. For a while I decided that the military would be my backup plan. I’m not afraid of joining the military because I grew up hearing about it constantly from my dad, his brothers and more recently my friends from high school. I’m not afraid of leaving home for years on end and fighting for my country.

I’m just afraid that my parents and sister will worry about me for years and years. I'm afraid that when and if I come back, my family won't be the same. That my friends won't be the same. That when I come back, I won't be the same.

And that’s why I haven’t joined the military.