Recently someone asked me “so where is your boyfriend?” and I answered how I always answer these questions, “currently non-existent." I’m quite used to being asked these types of questions so I wasn’t thrown by it, but the response I got took me by surprise; “what?! I was married and pregnant by the time I was your age, you better start looking!” and that got me thinking, why is marriage, or even having a boyfriend supposed to be my biggest concern?

I self-proclaim to be very independent, and anyone who knows me can vouch for me on this. I have been someone who has been dependent on another person and it really took a toll on me, so I promised myself I wouldn’t let my happiness depend on another person—and I’ve stood by that. Now I’m generally quite happy being alone, I’ve never had this dire need to search for a significant other, I am comfortable with being by myself. Sometimes, I do admit, I take it a bit too far and shut down anyone who tries to take my independence away; I don’t even want a guy holding the door open for me. Clearly, I take great pride in my independence, so yes, I do get offended when people assume I’m unhappy because I don’t have a boyfriend.

My mom married my father at 22, and met him at 18, (yes they are still happily married) but people don’t let me forget that they to committed to each other at my age. I think with older generations it’s assumed that you are not mature until you’ve settled down. Many older folks look at being single in your 20’s as immature or like you’re basking in your youth for too long, but times are different now. People get married later and spend more time as single adults, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Being happily single is not a crime, and no one should be made to feel like it is.

I’m still young and I still have so much left to experience; things I need to do, places I need to see, people I need to meet, and I’m not scared to do that alone. Just because I don’t want to start settling down right now doesn’t mean I’ll never want too, it just means that this is my time and I don’t think I’m ready to share it— at least not with the same person, I’ll be sharing it with in 30 years.