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All The Things I Can't Say To You

I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

Whitney Underwood

Dec 05, 2016

Eastern Kentucky University

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I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

I wish I could do it. I wish I could run up to you and just let you have it, tell you everything I have kept inside for a year. But I cant. Maybe I am too passive aggressive, or maybe I am still trying to convince myself that I am over it.

I am over it, at least until something happens that reminds me. Reminds me of all the things that make me hate you. Because at this point, i'm over being sad, i'm over feeling sorry for myself. I hate everything you did to me, and it makes me hate you.

I hate you for every inviting me over. I hate you for making me feel as if you liked me. I hate you for looking my direction, ever, even for a second. I hate that for a moment you made me feel happy, or that you made me feel pretty. I hate that while you did all this, you were making others girls feel the same way. I hate that I knew I wasn't the only one, and I foolishly allowed you to continue to consume my every thought. I hate that you made me fall in love with you. I hate that I dreamed of the day you'd finally make me your only girl. When I knew all along if would probably never happen. I hate that I wasn't enough for you, when I would have jumped over planets for you.

It makes me hate you.

And most of all, I hate that I miss you sometimes. I hate that I miss every single happy moment we had. Every time you made me smile until my cheeks hurt, or the times you make me laugh uncontrollably. I hate that I still remember slow dancing in the middle of your room to no music, I hate the way I can hear your voice singing to me, and that I can still feel your lips kiss my forehead when I woke up in the morning.

I hate it all, and it makes me hate you, so much. But I can't hate you, I'll never be able to hate you. Hating you makes me the bad guy. I won't allow that. For now, I'll be stuck in this constant state of never wanting to feel all that pain again, but also wanting to feel that love again. One day I'll get much better than anything you gave to me. One day some guy isn't going to give me things to hate, only love

These are all the things I cant say to you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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All The Things I Can't Say To You

I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

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Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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