I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

I wish I could do it. I wish I could run up to you and just let you have it, tell you everything I have kept inside for a year. But I cant. Maybe I am too passive aggressive, or maybe I am still trying to convince myself that I am over it.

I am over it, at least until something happens that reminds me. Reminds me of all the things that make me hate you. Because at this point, i'm over being sad, i'm over feeling sorry for myself. I hate everything you did to me, and it makes me hate you.

I hate you for every inviting me over. I hate you for making me feel as if you liked me. I hate you for looking my direction, ever, even for a second. I hate that for a moment you made me feel happy, or that you made me feel pretty. I hate that while you did all this, you were making others girls feel the same way. I hate that I knew I wasn't the only one, and I foolishly allowed you to continue to consume my every thought. I hate that you made me fall in love with you. I hate that I dreamed of the day you'd finally make me your only girl. When I knew all along if would probably never happen. I hate that I wasn't enough for you, when I would have jumped over planets for you.

It makes me hate you.

And most of all, I hate that I miss you sometimes. I hate that I miss every single happy moment we had. Every time you made me smile until my cheeks hurt, or the times you make me laugh uncontrollably. I hate that I still remember slow dancing in the middle of your room to no music, I hate the way I can hear your voice singing to me, and that I can still feel your lips kiss my forehead when I woke up in the morning.

I hate it all, and it makes me hate you, so much. But I can't hate you, I'll never be able to hate you. Hating you makes me the bad guy. I won't allow that. For now, I'll be stuck in this constant state of never wanting to feel all that pain again, but also wanting to feel that love again. One day I'll get much better than anything you gave to me. One day some guy isn't going to give me things to hate, only love

These are all the things I cant say to you.