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All The Things I Can't Say To You

I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

Whitney Underwood

Dec 05, 2016

Eastern Kentucky University

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I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

I wish I could do it. I wish I could run up to you and just let you have it, tell you everything I have kept inside for a year. But I cant. Maybe I am too passive aggressive, or maybe I am still trying to convince myself that I am over it.

I am over it, at least until something happens that reminds me. Reminds me of all the things that make me hate you. Because at this point, i'm over being sad, i'm over feeling sorry for myself. I hate everything you did to me, and it makes me hate you.

I hate you for every inviting me over. I hate you for making me feel as if you liked me. I hate you for looking my direction, ever, even for a second. I hate that for a moment you made me feel happy, or that you made me feel pretty. I hate that while you did all this, you were making others girls feel the same way. I hate that I knew I wasn't the only one, and I foolishly allowed you to continue to consume my every thought. I hate that you made me fall in love with you. I hate that I dreamed of the day you'd finally make me your only girl. When I knew all along if would probably never happen. I hate that I wasn't enough for you, when I would have jumped over planets for you.

It makes me hate you.

And most of all, I hate that I miss you sometimes. I hate that I miss every single happy moment we had. Every time you made me smile until my cheeks hurt, or the times you make me laugh uncontrollably. I hate that I still remember slow dancing in the middle of your room to no music, I hate the way I can hear your voice singing to me, and that I can still feel your lips kiss my forehead when I woke up in the morning.

I hate it all, and it makes me hate you, so much. But I can't hate you, I'll never be able to hate you. Hating you makes me the bad guy. I won't allow that. For now, I'll be stuck in this constant state of never wanting to feel all that pain again, but also wanting to feel that love again. One day I'll get much better than anything you gave to me. One day some guy isn't going to give me things to hate, only love

These are all the things I cant say to you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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All The Things I Can't Say To You

I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel.

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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