I find myself mostly going on Facebook these days to watch videos of baby animals, read celebrity gossip or check up (creep) on my friends. Quite often, however, when I start to look at the things that my female friends are sharing, especially my single friends, it’s a lot of viral “screen shots” of texts from “Mr. Perfect Boyfriend.”
You know what I’m talking about. The apparently “real” texts that a guy has sent to his girlfriend that went viral online of the 10 “good morning” texts he sent saying how much he cares about her, or “good night” texts with even more gushy-garbage that a majority of boyfriends would never put into a text message.
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And don’t even get me started on the guys who post that “Woman Crush Wednesday” every bloody Wednesday… (Apparently).
(And, here's me!)
And my personal favorite, the “I’m busy working today, but here is $100, so go get a pedicure and a new dress and I’ll see you later” bull crap.
It’s unrealistic. It’s holding today’s men to a ridiculously high standard that if they don’t meet, they are failing. And I’m not saying that boyfriends shouldn’t do cute things or say sweet things to their girlfriends, but why don’t we hold such high expectations of what we believe to be “right?”
We all want to feel those butterflies that you get when you finally meet someone you really care about and the puppy-love that follows; the sweet flirty texts about dinner dates, movie nights, holding hands and calls just to tell the person you are thinking about them.
But what comes after that? How about seven months down the line when you are (hopefully) comfortable enough to be without your makeup around him and wear your grossest sweat pants over your tightest leggings, without having to feel self-conscious.
I’m around that stage in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I will be honest, I started off holding him to certain standards. Needing that “Good morning Beautiful!!” text every day, or a “Good night, my love!” The problem is, my boyfriend is just not that good at texting. But that doesn’t mean that he cares any less about me if he doesn’t text me something until 1 p.m. (He is probably still sleeping, anyways.)
There’s a song by Billy Joel called “A Matter of Trust.” A song about different kinds of love, especially the fiery beginnings that fade away just as fast as they began. Billy is telling this woman that that just isn’t them. But they can't seem to trust each other from how much they have been hurt before.
I can relate to a lot of these lines in the song. “I know you’re an emotional girl. It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world.”
For a while I didn’t believe that I would find someone that wanted to be with me. I had been hurt before by countless guys, and I was damn ready to give up (at 21, at that). I am also (overly) emotional (often), something that I can’t always control. But when I met my boyfriend, he knew the stakes, just as Billy Joel said, and overcame the obstacles.
Finally, speaking in a matter of trust, he says “You can’t go the distance with too much resistance,” encouraging his woman to open up, realize she needs to trust, just one more time, to find happiness.
So what is it about trust? Is trust believing that even though your significant person has not texted you all night, they aren’t out cheating on you with the first person to walk by? It isn’t something like making your boyfriend let you read all of his text messages, or vice versa, though.
Why do you need to read all of their personal texts? Unless you know that something is going on, why can’t two people dating have trust in their significant person to not going out and cheat on them?
I had a friend my freshman year of college who had been dating a guy for a couple years, but they read everything of each others. All messages were fair game. And it made me wonder, “How did they get to this stage in their relationship?”
I feel like girls these days, and guys, have an irrational fear of being hurt by someone they date. When they are single, they hold such high standards, a lot to do with what they see shared on Facebook, that puts an image in their mind of what their perfect man or woman will me.
It makes me want to go back to a time like when my parents, and even grandparents, started to date. They didn’t have cell phones to constantly be in contact with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They would call on the landline when they got home from school. They didn’t have the “good morning texts.”
I have a few close girlfriends who get into rip-roaring fights with their boyfriends over frivolous things like not getting texts right when they want them. And most of the time, it hasn’t been because their boyfriend was out messing around with someone else; they simply forgot, or in my boyfriend’s case, fell asleep (All the time!).
In matters of love and dating, we are slightly screwed that we live in a time so heavily circled around social media. The posts your “super happy friend” and her boyfriend share only show the good things. But what about the time when they fight or cry? The times we get mad or sad aren’t often shared on Facebook. There is a little golden halo around relationships that isn’t always true that creates those unrealistic “relationship goals” we all strive for.
Dating is a matter of trust. It is a matter of knowing that person wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them.
For you ladies out there with boyfriends, or looking for one, why hold him to such tricky, tailored standards? Of course, be choosy in who you devote your time to, but you can’t expect “Mr. Perfect boyfriend.”
At the same time, you will never be “Miss Perfect Girlfriend.” But it’s the perfect imperfections that make you two perfect for each other.
The next time you get angry or sad that your roommate got flowers from her boyfriend, and you didn’t, or that girl from high school who you honestly never talk to shares a screenshot of a text from her “perfect” boyfriend, remember that there are two sides to every story, and not everything is always what it seems.
Just because your boyfriend doesn’t buy you things all the time or constantly text you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. (He honestly might not have anything interesting to say…i.e.: “I just ate lunch.” “That’s cool!”)
Each relationship, regardless of who you date, is different. Don’t compare your status to someone else’s. It will lead to unnecessary disappointment for something some people just can’t change about themselves.
In some cases, some people can change. Tell your boyfriend or girlfriend what you want and more than likely they will try to make changes, just like you should do for them! It’s all a matter of trust, honesty and love that make relationships worth the while, not the number of texts you sent in a day or the flowers and gifts they buy you. Be happy with the awesome person you get to spend your time with, or look forward to some day meeting, and know they are just as blessed to have you as you are them.
If you ask me, though, the only real "perfect relationship" that I have ever seen is Cory and Topanga from "Boy Meets World," and they even had their ups and downs!
Finally, on a lighter note, here is my favorite viral text that I found on Twitter recently... enjoy!
