My name is Deavon Smith-Collins. I am many things. I am black, female, artistic, and intelligent. I am a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi and a sister of Zeta Phi Beta. I am a daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, girlfriend, best friend, frat, soror...and a rape victim. This is the part where most people gasp or say they are sorry. Don't apologize. You didn't do it. Don't feel bad for me, either. I have my life, and because of that, I consider myself blessed. But, yes. On August 15, 2014, in the University Apartments, on the third floor, I was raped. From that fact always sprouts the question, “Why didn't you call the police or tell someone sooner?” as if they could have saved me.

For most people, the reason they don’t tell anyone is because of victim shaming, threats from their attacker, or because they believe it’s their fault. As for me, I was afraid of being called irresponsible again. I was afraid of being a disappointment. Ever since I was little, I had a problem losing things. I lost jackets, phones, keys, and even my social security card once. Seems like the only thing I hadn’t lost was my mind, but I came pretty close. I wanted to handle this problem on my own. I’d always been called irresponsible, and I wanted so much for my folks to know I could handle myself in college. I swore not to tell a soul. I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, and that I would do the “responsible” thing and deal with it on my own.That’s when I like to think that God told my guardian angel to kick it into gear.

Even before I met the monster, I had my eye on two guys. The first was my “type”. He was super sweet, tan skin, dark hair, in the military, good head on his shoulders...good shoulders on a good body. The second was so far from my usual. When I went off to college, I said I was done with dating black people. Yep. I said it. I had always prefered to date out of my race and after having two black boyfriends who had been the worst to me, I had decided that I would end up with someone outside of my race. Since I lived in a small town, I didn’t have a choice. I was related to half the black guys, and the other half were idiots who were bound to go nowhere. My plan was to date a guy who wasn’t black, super country, drove a big ole truck, had a beard, and lots of tattoos. Guy number two was black, a total city boy, very geeky, and had a little (adorable) beard and he still doesn’t want tattoos. In case you’re bad at guessing, after my encounter in the apartments, Guy #2 is the man that I like to say saved my life. Guy #2 goes by the name of CJ Brewer.

I was raped on the 15th. I thought the monster liked me. I thought we would date and be happy. I put on a brave face and kept talking to him. I wanted so badly to believe that I hadn’t really been raped and that he loved me. If it weren’t for CJ, I would have been under his thumb much like his current girlfriend. On the 16th, CJ gave me the first riddle/paradox. I don’t remember what it was. I just remember that for that entire day, he stole me away from the monster, and we talked about the things that boggle our minds. He challenged me. He taught me things. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a sucker for a smart man. I was falling hard. Then, on the 18th, he gave me a different paradox. “If God is all-powerful, He would be able to make a rock that even He couldn’t lift, but then, He wouldn’t be all powerful anymore.” I was so upset. I thought “He’s perfect, but he doesn’t believe in God...I bet he doesn’t. Just my luck.” so, I sucked it up, put my feelings and hopes aside, and decided to use the paradox to witness to him.

My answer was that because God is all-powerful, that means he can do anything except fail. All CJ said was “Correct.” I was so surprised. I told him why and he understood. He didn’t get mad. He just went back to talking about more interesting things. Heck, he even taught me some things about God that I never knew! Days after that, after a movie/anime binge, at 5am, CJ asked me to be his girlfriend. Had it not been for that odd morning of August 22nd, 2014, I probably would have been a wreck. Heck, had it not been for that morning, I probably wouldn’t be here.

CJ saved my life. When I told him this, he said “I didn’t. God did.” I laughed. “Don’t you realize that God can work through a man to save someone?” It’s true. Sometimes, when Divine intervention is needed, it takes Divine influencing a finite being such as man to pull someone away from Hell. Had he never taken me from that situation, I have no idea where I would be. I consider him a hero. He stole me away for just one day, and that one day led to us becoming, friends. After we became friends, it was easier for him to shoot me a message and invite me to the lounge for movies or just to talk. Finally, with the help of a good friend of ours (Chris) and a little Divine intervention, like a knight in shining armor, CJ snatched me away from the monster.

I’m not going to go into details about the poor girl that’s with the monster. All I’ll say is that we used to be good friends. Funny how easily a monster can pull you into his den and make you feel right at home. In her own way, she kind of became a monster too. We still go back and forth between friend and foe. I pray she reads this and realizes that she could do so much better. If you are with someone and it makes you feel free when they are away, something is wrong. If you cannot tell people a definite reason, or something good that your relationship does for you, you probably shouldn't be in it. Toxic relationships are what happens when a monster holds a hostage. If you feel like you can't escape, ask for help! Do not waste your life with someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart! The poor girl who's with the monster now...I want so much better for her, but I digress. I cannot save anyone who doesn't believe they are in danger. The monster walks free. I can only pray he hasn’t done this to another person. I probably won’t come out and say his name until God tells me that it’s time. I’m just not ready.

If you were expecting details about what happened, I guess you’ll just have to be disappointed. If you were expecting some grand memoir about how I got back at the monster, you’re out of luck. I thought about it, but something, I believe it was God, told me to stop. If you get anything from this, just know that there's good news, and bad news. The bad news is monsters are real. You pass them every day. The good news is heroes are real too.