Like most people in small town Wisconsin, I grew up going to church. I went to Sunday school until confirmation. Later, I even went on to teach Sunday School during my first years of high school. I had an amazing pastor, who I found to be loving, inspiring, and wise. To this day, I admire my pastor who is always loving and accepting, giving many people in my community the gift of hope, compassion, and a steady hand.
My memories of Sunday School and church are, for the most part, positive. Church always reminded me that God loved me and those who have passed away are in a better place. Church gave me comfort and helped me understand life's hardships. Furthermore, being Christian gave me acceptance among my community and classmates. It was easy to be proud of my faith because most of the people I knew, admired, and loved were Christian.
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I eventually came to realize that these reasons were weak and disingenuous. I was supposed to believe in God and even love Him, not follow Him because it simply made me feel better or because it was easier to be accepted than to question the Bible or the existence of God. I felt like the black sheep when sitting in a pew at church and wanting to raise my hand during the sermon and ask questions like “Why is everyone else wrong? What if I don’t believe in Hell?” I had countless doubts about my faith that I chose to keep to myself for a long time until I met others with the same feelings.
Eventually, through reading, discussion, and time, I realized that I didn’t fully know what I believed, but I did know that I was not Christian. To me, this was a relief and a huge step forward in figuring out who I was. I no longer felt like I needed to pretend, or feel guilty for calling myself Christian when I didn’t fit the description.
I currently classify myself as an Agnostic, and I'm totally happy. I have found so much beauty in different faiths from all corners of the world, but I have also discovered that I don't fully fit in any one religion. There is a lot I don’t know, and I’m okay with that.
However, many people from my community or those who are passionate about their religion have difficulty understanding and at times, respecting my beliefs. What many people mistakenly assume is that my “lack of faith” equates to me being “less fulfilled”, or that I am “lost” and a “sinner” that needs to be “prayed for”. These judgmental comments frustrate me for many reasons:
First, these comments imply that I don’t have the correct beliefs or morals. I don’t believe in the Bible, but that obviously doesn’t automatically mean that I think people can steal, commit adultery, or kill each other. It also doesn’t mean that I believe that people die and decompose and that’s all there is to life. In the same way, by not believing in the Christian God (or any other religion) does not mean that I should be treated like I am wrong or like a sinner. I may not be a person of one particular faith, but I can still be someone who is loving and has principles.
This is why calling Agnostics (and Atheists or Buddhists) “lost” or “sinners” or declaring that they need to be “prayed for” can be offensive and condescending. Essentially, these phrases mean that because we don’t fit into religion A, B, or C, we’re wrong or lesser than those who are in category A, B, or C. Many of us are happy, decent people, who have beliefs and morals as strong as any person of religion.
Another misconception is that Agnostics and Atheists don’t necessarily hate Christians. I admire many friends and relatives because of their strong dedication to their faith. Most Christians are good people, just like I believe most Muslims and people in general are good. If Christianity or any other religion makes you happy, fulfilled, gives you purpose, and is a part of who you are, I sincerely respect and admire you.
But this does not apply to me or to many others.
I believe in many things: love, loyalty, kindness, honesty, and hard work... but when it comes to religion or who/what God is, I simply don't know. This does not make me lost or confused, but someone who believes in endless possibilities.
Ultimately, I cannot stress enough that this article’s purpose was not to bash Christianity. This is simply a voice to those who feel like they don’t belong, those who have ever been judged or belittled for their beliefs, and finally, to those who simply don't know.
