I'd be pretty ashamed, if someone was to make a movie about my life. This past year alone would make you grinch.
It's never too late to change they say.
I couldn't agree more with them on that.
It'd be a different story if I found myself lying on my death bed...shaking my head thinking back to the mistakes that time after time..I've told myself to stop making.
I refuse to let that be me! I cannot die with a heavy heart full of regrets. I vow to start the new year with a clean slate and forgive myself for the errors I've made in 2016. It's time that I make a change for the better and not repeat those silly mistakes that inhibited me from maturing and blossoming into the woman that I know is waiting to burst RIGHT OUT OF ME. Going down memory lane, I can vividly remember the many times I've desperately tried to be a people pleaser, overlooking the fact that the values instilled me in over these years were slowly being washed away from me. Never to be seen! Until today! I found the bad habits that I want to let go, not as a short term resolution but forever!
1. This was the year of trying to find myself and sadly in the midst of all that, was when I was vulnerable and had allowed people to use me. It was hard for me to say no, especially when I wanted them to like me.
You don't have to try so hard to get the people to like you. I always tried to be on their good sides and "kiss their butts," by being at their feet and listening to their commands. If they wanted a dollar, I'd give it to them. If they wanted my homework assignment, they'd have it. If they couldn't do something, I'd do it for them...and let them take CREDIT FOR MY WORK..BUT NOPE NOT ANYMORE. THAT ENDS TODAY!
2. Wasting my life away in front of the TV.
As an aspiring journalist, It's very important, that I watch the news to stay informative of everything that's going on in the world, but sometimes 5 hours would pass by, and I'd still be flipping through the channels, looking for a good show to watch, when my favorite News Shows would end. Lots of nights were spent as I laid in bed regretting not having as much of a productive day as I had originally wanted. It's easy to forget about your priorities and succumb to binge drinking or watching the re-runs of your favorite show, but what will you produce out of that? Not much, if anything..except me a good conversation with your friends about what happened last night on your favorite shows. What about your future employers when they ask for your resume and see that you don't have much experience pertaining to your field of interest? Do you think binge watching a marathon of Full House would count? I DOUBT IT!
I've made it a mission to have more productive days, where I continue to build my brand..continue to write and focus on the things that really matters in my life. My writing career. My visions will never manifest into reality, If I spend hours on the couch, hoping that it'll fall into my life. Hard work pays off. Think about it this way, If you continuously put off the things that you need to do today , you'll only end up living under a bridge tomorrow. Is that what you want? If not, get off the couch and hustle, hustle, hustle even when you don't feel like that!
3. Being cheap
I need to stop clinging onto money as If my life revolves around it. Yes, we need money to survive, but I don't need to be cheap.
When I wasn't being cheap, I was carelessly spending money on frivolous things that I later realized that I didn't need. I went to Kohl's a few months ago, when they were having a HUGE SALE, selling cute v-neck shirts at just $5. Knowing that a sale like this doesn't happen to often, my mom and I had ran to Kohl's. When I had received my bill, I saw that my 2 day shopping spree had accumulated to a debt of approximately $300. Since then, you'll rarely catch me in a Kohl's store, the only times that I go there is when I need to pay a partial off my debt. Never again. Shop wisely. Beware of these sales, debt is a hard thing to come out of
4. Not having enough confidence in myself to see the potential that others sees in me.
Two semester ago, I was given the chance to be editor-in-chief of my college's school newspaper. Even though I had already been a member for 2 years of the newspaper club at that time, I still couldn't help but feel really insecure. I did not feel ready to take on that challenge, so that opportunity flew past me, and now I'm left with regrets wishing that I had taken that opportunity when It was presented to me. I should not do things because I don't feel ready...what if Mark Zuckerberg and his friends had felt like they did not have anything special to offer to the world? What if they thought they weren't smart enough? They would not have created a multi-billion dollar social networking site, we know today as Facebook. He has a net worth of $60 billion .That is not change you find on the street.
I need to ensure that in the new year, that I will be assertive and not let anything shake my confidence. I would make a great leader. My manager once told me that I have managerial qualities..my newspaper adviser told me that I'd make a great editor-in-chief, I didn't think so then...but now I've realized the qualities hidden inside of me, that others had pointed out to me..that I had failed to see this year.
5. Being afraid to try new things.
Today, I saw a quote that resonated with me. It read " Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
The exact writer of this quote is unclear, but what is clear the powerful message behind it. We must not let fear control us. We must look fear in the eyes as If it was a person attacking us and say " you will not have any control over my life. I will get it done and I will get it done well." If there was a job you always wanted, don't be scared to submit your resume, even if you don't think that you have enough experience. Do it now or you'll forever regret it.
6. Talking to the wrong people
It's not till that an issue arise that we usually see who truly has our back and who doesn't. Without going into too much details, there was a girl that I had been "friends," with for some time. Little did I know,that she'd end up being one of my biggest enemies. She was waiting to strike when the right time came...when it did..her true colors had unfolded before my eyes. I was in shock to realize that her out of all people would've done something like that to me. When I had finally come to terms with what she saw, I had cut her loose very quickly and actually had feared her for some time,avoiding her as much as I could. That lasted for a month until I had finally built the courage to tell her to her face..that I wanted her to leave me alone for good. She was no longer my "friend." A real friend would not hurt you and use you. I was disgusted. Trusting people now is really hard. Whenever someone new comes into my life..I keep a distance. I need to talk to the right people and networking as if my life depends on it!
7. Not being there for my family enough. Not telling them that I love them and showing it more often through my actions.
Nowadays, it's easy to tell someone that you love them. Just because a guy wraps his arms around you and whispers that he loves you..doesn't mean that he truly does. Who agrees me with me on that?
If there's one thing for sure, it's that there is no love like a mother's love and the bond that you have with your sibling (even if you guys may fight a lot, it's all love at the end of the day).
My sister has repeatedly told me that she doesn't think that I love her, because when I am home, I don't spend enough time with her and listen to her rant about her bad days and make her feel like I am her support system. So because of that, when I have told her that I love her..she brushed it off and scruffs at those words. "No, you don't love me! If you did, you'd show it! Buying food for me isn't enough."
8. Allowing people to treat me as a doormat
Being short does not help much, it's hard finding someone that takes me serious when I say that I mean business! I get tired of trying to argue my case and just allow them to talk over me.
No more of that in 2017, I'll stand up strong with my shoulders held up straight and my confidence at high unshakeable level!
9. Letting myself to walk out the house looking like a bum.
Every time I did that, surprisingly would be when I either bumped into a cute guy or an old friend.
10. Expecting everything to fall into my lap without getting off the couch and going after my dreams!
No more just sitting and waiting and moping around asking myself as to why my time hasn't come yet!
I can't guarantee that 2017 will be perfect, but I can guarantee that I will try my best to be a better person, no matter what life throws out at me ! I'm ready for the curve balls! Are you?
