When life gets hard and it seems as though your troubles have no end, it helps to have someone to confide in. Whether it is a classmate, a friend or a family member, having even a small support system goes a long way. I know that I have personally done my fair share of relying on my friends and family to lend me the sanity that it seemed as though I had none of.
Although it is incredibly valuable to have a support system to rely on, it can be pretty easy for miscommunications to take place within these support systems as to what type of support is needed. Furthermore, providing the wrong type of support can at times do more harm than good. While advice may be needed in some situations, it may not be appreciated in other situations; alternatively, while a supporter’s quiet presence may be sufficient in some instances, it may be lacking in others. It all depends on the individual needs of the person who needs comforting.
We have all run into problems that are simply too much for one person to handle; at times like this, I have been incredibly fortunate to have supporters to offer me advice and assistance. From asking for study advice to needing help in wording professional-sounding emails and even getting assistance in constructing furniture from kits, I have reaped the benefits from more active help on countless different occasions. As a member of someone’s support system, it is important to be ready and willing to offer up words of wisdom or helpful services to a companion in need; however, such active assistance is not always necessary in order to be supportive.
There are times, it seems, in which responsibilities and commitments seems to build upon each other until it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day yet too many days in the week. When a person has too much to do, it can easily leave them feeling helpless and stressed. Although offering more active help such as advice or assistance may be helpful, it may not always be possible to offer this sort of help in all situations; whether offering this such assistance is impossible or simply not preferred, it is important to be willing to offer another type of support.
In some cases, simple affirmation is far more preferable than advice. Although the advice may be given with entirely good intentions, offering advice to a person who simply wishes to vent and be reassured may come off as condescending. After all, not all problems can be solved by other people – a lesson I have learned as both a supporter and a person who needs support.
I know I have had my fair share of stressful experiences during which I knew how to handle my responsibilities, yet I was still overwhelmed by them. During times like this, I know what I have to do and that I will be able to handle everything in some way or another, yet I need support to help calm my worries. It is during times like this that what I need more than anything is affirmation – not advice – from my support system.
Although I appreciate the advice offered to me, it sometimes causes me to feel even more overwhelmed because I feel that my methods of work are wrong. It is times like this that I simply need to be assured that I am not alone and that I am and will be okay; I need to know that even though my methods of work may differ from others, I am still on the right track and that the work I am doing has value. Obviously, I do not wish to be lied to if actually am doing something wrong, but I also do not wish to be corrected on something that doesn’t necessarily need correcting. I simply wish to be given a less active form of assistance.
Finally, there are some instances during which no words are needed. After a long day, a long week, or any particularly stressful and exhausting period of time, it may seem that even speaking may be too much. Although it may not seem like simply sitting with someone in silence is helping them at all, it can truly work wonders when need be. Sometimes, the simple presence of someone who cares is enough when you’re feeling overwhelmed by everything else. Even when it’s awkward, this quiet assistance can be extremely beneficial.
Support comes in many forms, but these different forms of support are not one-size-fits-all. Thus, it is important when in need to share what kinds of support you need; additionally, it never hurts to ask a friend in need what they would like you to do in order to help them. Although a person in need may not always know what kind of support they do need, they may very well know what kinds of support they don’t need; therefore, it is important to be as patient as possible with those in need of support of any kind. Although it may be a difficult situation, acts of kindness such as offering your support are not often unnoticed but are very often appreciated.
