When I was young, I didn't pay much attention to my weight. I was content with spending time with friends or reading a good book. Looks didn't matter, because I thought what was inside was more important. That all changed when I was in middle school.
Ah, swimming. When I think about my past years on swimming competitively, I have many fond memories. I remember singing Lady Gaga at swim meets and having contests over who could cheer the loudest and most obnoxious. But then someone would say something in the locker rooms or out in the pool and it would leave me thinking.
I was in 7th or 8th grade, and I was in the locker room before swim practice. One of the girls was looking in the mirror, grabbed what little skin she had on her arms and proclaimed, "Look how fat I am." Some of the other girls then went commenting on how they could lose weight, too. This statement really bothered me, because the girl who thought she was fat was skinnier than me. I thought that she looked great and didn't need to lose any weight. And then, I started thinking that if she thought she was fat, I should probably lose some weight too.
From then on, I began noticing what I didn't like about my body. Whenever I went out to the pool, there was this massive wall of mirrors that I had to pass. The swimsuits that we wore didn't hide my insecurities, so I was reminded of them every day. I started thinking that my shoulders were too broad, that my arms were too fat, and that my hips were too wide. When I got to high school, the swim team practices were much more intense, and I lost weight. Even though I was the skinniest I'd ever been, I still wasn't happy. I thought that I could still lose weight and got frustrated when I never achieved the body type that I thought was ideal. However, my broad shoulders wouldn't go away because of the large amount of swimming I was doing, and arms were fat largely due to the amount of muscle I had gained. I felt that I would never be completely satisfied with the way that I looked.
When college rolled around, I wasn't working out as much as I had in high school, so I began gaining weight. I cried when my favorite dress didn't fit me anymore. I got more frustrated when I couldn't go to the gym as often as I used to because of all the commitments I had.
One day, I was going through old photos of me from high school. As I went through them, I started to realize that I didn't need to lose weight in high school. I began to realize that my perspective was all wrong. I took a step back and realized that I am healthy. I began thinking that I viewed people based on how they acted, not how their body looked. I concluded that it doesn't matter if I gained ten pounds. The only thing that matters if I am a good person. Thus, I finally got to like my broad shoulders and my hips, because they make me who I am.
