Growing up, I always wished I had an older sibling. I basically wanted someone to drive me around and let me hang out with their friends and buy me cool things. More importantly, I wish I had someone older than me, who wasn't one of my parents, who I could confide in and go to for advice when I needed it. I thought that it would be a lot easier for me to follow in someones footsteps so that I knew what was right and how to avoid what was wrong. I guess I didn't realize that making mistakes inevitably came with growing up, and that even my friends who had older siblings made mistakes, too.
Even though I got over the fact that I would forever be the oldest, I still resented my parents for doing this to me. I thought that the rest of my life was going to be a series of bad decisions and mistakes all while trying to maintain a perfect image for my younger brother and sister to look up to. I wanted, and still want, to be the best sister that I could possibly be. After going off to college, I realized that not only did my siblings need me but that I needed them. Yeah, we get in stupid fights all the time and disagree about a lot of things; but they are still my siblings and without them, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. So I dedicate this article to my siblings as a type of "guidelines for growing up", or at least a few things that I've learned/realized over the years.
To My Younger Sister:
Please don't read too much into what other people think about you. I know that this is extremely easy to say and extremely difficult to do. I've been there and done that. At one point in my life I let what other people thought of me control me, and eventually I became that person. I wasn't the person I wanted to be, but instead the person everyone thought that I was. You control who you are and who you become. Even though you can't control people's thoughts about you, you can be happy with who you are, and this positivity will be reflected back to you through their thoughts. It's all a mind game, and once you realize that your thoughts about you matter the most, you've won the game.
Remember that you don't have to stay friends with the people you grew up with. If there is one thing that I know a lot about it is this. I've bounced between more friend groups than I can even count, and it wasn't until senior year of high school that I finally found "my people." Friendships are tough no matter if they're with the right people or the wrong people. Don't let people walk all over you, stand your ground for what you believe in and know when it is time to let go of people who no longer make your life better. I know that you are a strong young woman and can handle a lot, but your friends should be the ones that make you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts and pick you up when you cry.
When it comes to guys, my only advice to you is that you don't need someone who doesn't need you. Chasing after a boy who couldn't care less is only hurting you in the end. Even if you really like someone, just remember that you deserve only the best and if he isn't giving that to you then you have every right to leave. You are strong and independent and you never need a man or another person to complete you. Let me repeat that. You make yourself whole and you have the power to love yourself better than anyone else.
To My Younger Brother:
Even though you probably won't read this now, maybe someday this will come in handy.
Treat women with respect. If you find yourself straying away from this idea just think to yourself, "Would I say these things to my mother or my sisters?" Although this advice isn't applicable to every situation, I hope that when you find a girl you think is special that you will treat her as so. Use the way your father treats your mother as a guideline and don't play games with people, because that never ends well. You don't have to do what your friends are doing or make fun of a girl you like: the real world is not like a fifth grade classroom. And don't be afraid to come to your sisters for advice on girls, because we are always here to listen and help.
This piece of advice is in regards to a social construct that our society and generations before you have instilled into young men. "Boys don't cry." I hate that. Boys do cry and men do, too. Crying is not a sign of weakness, and it took me a long time to learn that so I'm telling you now — you're allowed to cry and feel whatever you want. Feelings aren't only reserved for girls. Most relationships, whether with friends or someone you like, are based on feelings and emotions toward that person or people. Without them every relationship would be very bland and boring. Remember that having feelings and crying doesn't make you less tough, it makes you human.
Before I go, I have a few things to say to the two of you. Please remember that it's OK to not be OK and we all have really good days and really bad days. Life is about finding the balance with everything. Try to spend as much time with Mom and Dad because before you know it, they're moving you into your college dorm and you're already missing them. They have some amazing stories, great advice and even better hugs. Also spend time with each other! We are so lucky to have built in best friends, and I think that we take that for granted. All in all, I hope you guys can learn from my mistakes and accomplishments and that this helps you even the slightest bit with your own process of growing up. And always remember that your bigger sister is here for you no matter what.
