To the person who is being bullied,
I know. Trust me. I know every feeling. I have experienced every tear. I know the feeling of betrayal. I know the feeling of caution that comes when someone is being nice to you. I know the feeling of fear that comes when they walk in the room. I know the heaviness that overcomes you when you walk through those doors every day. I know how it feels when you tell someone about the problem and they brush it off as if it’s just childsplay. I know.
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I know the nightmares. I can’t tell you if they will stop or not. It’s been five years since my bullying ended, but I still wake up, covered in sweat from the bad dreams. I like to think that they’ll stop, but I’m being honest here. It will take a long time. So will forgiveness. Forgiveness is a foreign word to you right now. You can’t imagine forgiving these people right now. I know. You might never forgive them, and that’s okay. You don’t have to. You are completely justified to be upset and angry, and you don’t have to apologize. Nothing that’s going on is your fault.
I know you’ve heard all the cliches, that “they’re only picking on you because they don’t like themselves” or “they’re unhappy and just want to share it with you.” I know you’ve been told to ignore it or shake it off. You’ve been told to avoid the bullies. I know that you can’t. No way could you ignore this. The people who are telling you these things haven’t experienced the hell that is being bullied, so they cannot understand it. I understand it. And none of it is true. They just chose to hurt you. I don’t know why. I doubt you’ll ever know why. But it is not your fault.
It’s been about five years since my bullying ended. I’ve had numerous people who bullied me step up and apologize. I know this seems impossible to you, but it will happen. It will be years, and they’ll do it over a private Facebook message because they don’t have the courage to do it to your face. Believe me, when you hear the worst of the worst apologize to you, you will feel so strong. You will feel so fantastic. It is so freeing. But you don’t have to accept their apology. They hurt you, and they are not entitled to your forgiveness. You are allowed to ignore their message, or just reply with a simple “thanks.” That’s okay. You don’t need to apologize back. Never apologize if you don’t feel the need to.
I know the thought of a positive future is foreign to you right now. You feel like this will last forever. You feel like you’ll always be mad, and that’s true. I know. Trust me, I know. A lot of the pain will carry with you for the rest of your life. You’ll never be 100% healed. You’ll never forget these terrible feelings. They’re stuck with you, and for that, I am sorry. You don’t deserve that.
But it does get better. I know you’ve heard this before. I know you don’t believe me. That’s okay. But it will come. I hope it comes soon, but I can’t promise that. But I can promise that it will be better someday. This pain will always be with you, but it is only a part of you. You are so much bigger than it. It does not define you. You will eventually leave it behind and you will come out stronger than you can imagine.
