From our upbringing to movies and TV, the idea of "the American Dream" is engrained in us all. Many of us have set the goal of having a significant other, a couple of kids, maybe a dog, and a nice house to top it all off, but before we can achieve any of that, we must find "the one." That person gets the ball rolling, so to speak. That person initiates the first phase of the rest of our lives, but too often, these relationships end in a break up or even a divorce. There may be many contributing factors as to why these relationships end, but I think the most important is that we are constantly trying to shape our significant other into our idea of perfection, into our image of "the one." And it has to stop.
Any couple with a decade or two of marriage under their belts will tell you that it's hard work, possibly even one of the hardest things they've ever done in their lives. But they haven't given up even after 20, 30, 40 years of marriage. Have all of those years been filled with rainbows and sunshine? Absolutely not, but these two people love each other so much. Most importantly, they love each other exactly the way they are. They genuinely care about one another, and regardless of whatever obstacles they may face, they're dedicated to their relationship.
I know what you're thinking. If they're so invested, their significant other is definitely "the one," right? But that's not always the case. You see, "the one" is a fictional person that we have each created specifically for ourselves and molded into our perception of perfection. "The one" isn't real, because "the one" cannot possibly exist. No one is free of flaws. No one human being can possess everything that we dream of. Essentially, we've been going about this all wrong: we've been choosing the person first then trying to shape them into who and what we want them to be when, in reality, we should just be choosing the person and accepting them as they are.
Too often I hear young men and women say, "I want a love like that," in regards to a couple who have been married for half of a century or more, and I always think to myself, You can have that. You can have all of it. Because it's true. If you so desire, you can have a long-lasting love just like that, but it requires immense patience and hours upon hours of open communication. That's all, but it's easier said than done.
Young men and women of my generation - millenials - are accustomed to instant gratification insofar as pushing a button to achieve our desired result. We can have food delivered to our homes without speaking to another human being; we can have whatever our hearts desire deposited on our doorstep without a single second of social contact. In other words, getting what we want exactly when and how we want it requires very minimal effort in this day and age and that perception of the world can often hinder the relationships we attempt to build. We expect everything to come to us in perfect condition, and if it's not, we send it back. But refunds and exchanges don't work with people. You can't fall in love with someone just to end the relationship because you can't accept their imperfections.
So, you still want "the American Dream," huh? Start by ceasing your search for "the one." Let the chips fall where they may and allow people to freely flow into and out of your life. You can't force it. Someone with whom you have an incredible connection will come along and change your life. They may not possess your ideal features or qualities, but they wil still meet all of your needs and make you overwhelmingly happy. And it's not because they're "the one." It's because they are enough, and enough is all you can and will ever need.
