People always ask me why I dropped out, and my response is always some variation of the truth – “it just wasn’t right for me” or “it wasn’t what I expected.” Most people are satisfied by that, while others feel the need to say “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” Sorry? I could never understand why people were apologizing. It wasn’t a sad experience for me because I knew that my decision was what was best for me.

There are a few things that came out of this experience that I’d like to share. They are especially pertinent to people who are considering joining a sorority in the future and to those who are in a sorority now that they aren’t really happy with.

First, to address those who are considering joining: Go in with an open mind and really invest the time in finding a sorority that is a good match for you. I went through informal recruitment instead of formal recruitment because I didn’t feel like dealing with the emotional duress I had heard about that is associated with formal recruitment. What I didn’t realize that I was missing out on by participating in informal recruitment, though, was the opportunity to explore all the sororities on campus to make sure I was joining the best one for me.

Additionally, I wasn’t ever sure that I wanted to join a sorority in the first place. My whole life I kind of laughed at the thought until I realized how big of a presence Greek life had at my school. But my advice to those who really aren’t sure if they even want to rush in the first place is to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and don’t be afraid to not do it at all. There are so many other ways to meet people – from classes to clubs to sports – so don’t feel pressured.

Now, to address those who are unhappy in their current sorority: don’t be afraid to disaffiliate. I stuck with it a lot longer than I probably should have because I was afraid that I would lose all of my friends if I disaffiliated. I’m not going to lie – there were a handful of girls who didn’t acknowledge me after I dropped, but it made me realize that the ones who remained my friends were the genuine ones anyways, because they realized that we had a friendship beyond the “sisterhood” construct of a sorority.

When I first dropped out, I was frustrated that I had gone through the whole process and committed so much time (and money). But as time goes on, I’ve realized that I’m glad I tried it. My motto in life is “I’ll try anything once.” I was true to myself by joining in the first place, but I was even truer to myself when I disaffiliated.

So, if you are thinking of joining a sorority, I hope you find what you are looking for. And if you are thinking of disaffiliating, I hope you, too, find what you are looking for.