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Adulting 101: 13 Steps

That awkward moment when you can’t find your mom in the mall and panic but realize you’re 22 and failing at adulting because you’re panicking because you can’t find mom.

Alexa Lahren
Sep 13, 2016
The Writing Syndicate
18
Adulting 101: 13 Steps
Decal Serpent

Adulting is hard. Like, really hard. It's that awkward moment when you can’t find your mom in the mall and panic but realize you’re 22 and failing at adulting because you’re panicking because you can’t find mom. Below is a comprehensive list of the milestones one must reach in order to reach full-blown adulthood. Good luck navigating through the post-pubescent world, you!

1. Cooking

You can't live off of spaghettios and tequila forever. Try to learn the staples, like how to make pasta and cook chicken that won't give you salmonella. Or at least learn to make toast and not have the fire alarm go off.

2. Cleaning Your Apartment

Yes, you have to do it. And when I say clean, I don't mean shoving all your things in a closet and spraying Febreze around.

3. Laundry

FYI: there is a difference between dish soap and dishwasher soap. Don't mix them up or you'll have an impromptu foam party in your apartment.

4. Going Out Isn't As Much Fun

Who are these people? What is this music? I didn't put pants on to go somewhere that doesn't serve food.

5. Making Your Own Appointments

It's not the act of making the appointment that's terrifying, it's having to talk on the phone. It's the 21st century... can't we just text to get an appointment at the dentist?

6. Living On Your Own

This part is actually pretty great. Except paying for rent. And having to kill your own spiders.

7. Living On Your Own And Hearing A Scary Noise

This is hands-down the worst thing ever, and there's only two options: investigate what made the sound and risk getting chopped up by a killer clown, or convince yourself that you imagined the sound (and then get chopped up by a killer clown).

8. Updating Your Resume

Maybe I can just fluff it up a little bit... Nobody is going to find out that I lied about knowing four different languages and excel in parkour.

Setting An Alarm (And Not Hitting Snooze)

I'm not convinced that this ever gets easier.

9. Getting Rid Of Tinder

Just, no.


10. Your Friends Start To Get Married.

And you realize that the movie "Bridesmaids" is eerily realistic.


11. Your Friends Start To Have Babies.

Ick.

12. You Have To Hold The Babies

Double ick.

13. You Get A Pet Instead Of A Baby

This is the only reason adulating is worth all the trouble.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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