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An Ad For Dad

I'm in the market for finding friends.

Nicole DiTolla

Aug 08, 2016

University of Scranton

QuotesGram

My little brother is off to college, I'm off to Africa soon, and my sister is in Mississippi for the next couple of months. My parents are going to officially be empty nesters!

Now my mom has a lot of friends because she's pretty social. And my dad is, too, but he doesn't really have his own friends. He has work friends, and my mom's friends are certainly his friends. But now is the time for him to go get out there!

With the freedom to do whatever the heck he wants on the weekends, I'm sure he needs friends for golf. I hear he's an awesome golfer. I've never seen it because I don't want to bore my brains out on a field of grass while simultaneously staring into the distance.

Hands down, he's the funniest person I know. The king of dad jokes. Here's a great recent example.

Me: Who's your favorite modern artist?
My dad: (Long pause because he can't remember any) Hal Steinberner (The Yankees Owner). Just kidding, I wouldn't put that in. I'm making that up. Ed (addressing my brother), give me an artist. I would say a modern artist would be...
Ed: Maroon 5
Dad: Yea, Maroon 5. Wait Maroon 10. And stranded three. They're cousins.
Me: Who's your favorite old artist?
Dad: Mick Jagger of the Rolling Pebbles (He means The Rolling Stones).

What a guy! I told you, he's the king of dad jokes.

The quality he admires most in a person is integrity. If he were to have a superpower, he would want to fly at the speed of light. Buy him coffee ice cream, and he'll love you forever. Trust me, I'm his fan favorite as of right now. He loves the movie "Scrooge" with Albert Finney, "Jaws," and "The Godfather and Mister Roberts."

Ever been to Portifino, Italy? Tell him about your adventures. He wants to go! If you haven't been, you can both help each other plan your dream vacations!

And if he could be famous, he would only want to be famous if he found the cure for all cancers. Yes, he is a great guy. But he is an even better dad.

If you know of anyone who is in the market for a friend like the one I have, let me know!

Email: nicole.ditolla@scranton.edu

Twitter: @nicole_ditolla

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Ad For Dad

I'm in the market for finding friends.

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It's not just business as usual.

Constantly having to dress business formal.

Group projects.

Applying for internships.

Being told your major is easy.

You just want to be rich already.

Explaining to people why you're a business major.

Using LinkedIn like it's Facebook.

You grow up too fast.

Trying way too hard to make a good impression on companies at career fairs.

Many of your professors have foreign accents.

You don't want to graduate, but you know that you're more than ready.

10 things that most incoming college freshmen have no idea about.

Your Schedule

The Library

Time Management

Registration

Housing

The Dining Hall

Teachers

Clubs

High School Friends

Finals

It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

You can't just go to your room to take a nap in the middle of your classes.

Having to spend all your extra cash on gas for your car.

Speaking of money, you probably don't have a meal plan so you're forced to scrounge up some change or mooch off of your friends.

It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

It can be harder to be involved on campus because between your one, two, or three jobs and school you don't have much free time.

When you try to be super involved on campus, it can kill your sleep schedule.

It's impossible to do homework at home, but staying on campus isn't an option sometimes.

There are surveys and events that you can't participate in because you're a commuter.

Group projects are the bane of your existence.

Traffic.

Your backpack rivals that of a survivalist trekking in the woods.

Driving all the way to campus to find a note on the door of your classroom saying class was cancelled.

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

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