Now that I am more or less an adult, I find it entertaining to go back and look at some of the shows that I loved to watch as a kid. After watching about five minutes of Arthur, I realized that a good number of the things that show teaches kids are pretty messed up. Without further ado, here is a list of what I really learned from childhood television.
1. Being a Total Brat Works Wonders
This. Kid. Whined. About. Everything. And yet he always seemed to get his way. Lesson learned: Throw a tantrum and your parents will do almost anything to shut you up.
2. Bullies are usually ugly and fat
I also noticed that Disney villains are usually ugly, too. Binky Barnes taught me that short boys could never possibly be mean, and that tall boys were always going to be someone to avoid. Not the best thing to teach kids, is it?
3. Manly Men are the Worst
This dude was so muscular and blond and chill, he seemed like a cool person. Yet Johnny was the most egotistical dumb ass I had ever seen. As soon as I began watching Johnny Bravo, I knew I wanted to marry a nice nerdy boy because manly men are the worst.
4. Adults are totally Clueless about Literally Everything
I think this point speaks for itself. I used to try to sneak one extra cupcake and my parents caught me, never mind a wild animal. Tommy Pickles was usually the mastermind, and he was still in diapers. Moral of that story: adults are dumb.
5. Always talk to Strangers, They Usually Have Candy
Curious George the monkey was the king of causing trouble. He would wander off and find these random people and decide that he wanted to be friends with them. The people always ended up being super nice and having a banana or another type of snack. Stranger, danger? Nah, Curious George taught me that strangers are just cool people with food.
6. How to Really Insult People
7. Older Siblings are Almost always Inferior
Poor, poor Dede. She sweet and girly but oh, so clueless. Dede was famous for pushing random buttons or drinking glowing potions. Dexter's Lab taught me that just because you are older, it does not mean you are smarter.
8. If You Talk to Inanimate Objects Enough, They Start to Talk Back
Saaaayyy MAP! Map! Now Saaaaayy BACKPACK! BACKPACK! We all know which show this is from, right? If Dora can talk to her map and have it give her directions, why can't I talk to my hairbrush and ask it to get my hair ready in the morning?
9. Younger Siblings Kinda Suck, Too
When I was younger, I wondered how D.W. got away with literally anything. She was so awful to Arthur and all of his friends, and yet Arthur's parents thought she was an angel. I guess if you are younger it is your job to be annoying, according to D.W anyway.
