Fall has arrived! Time to watch “Hocus Pocus" and shotgun Pumpkin Spice Lattes, then and watch “Hocus Pocus" again because you were daydreaming about watching “Halloweentown" the first time. While your head is spinning with ideas for festive fall fun, don't forget about these key activities to avoid. If you are trying to get into the spooky cinnamon-scented spirit definitely do not:
1. Build a well.
2. Wite-Out the word “raven” in your local library’s copy of “The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe and replace all of the "raven"s with “Terminator 2.”
3. Text your casual hookup, "wut r we?"
4. Rip a gecko's tail off and document its regrowth using Morse code on a Lite-Brite.
5. Say "die" because you're not a Goonie and you never were.
6. Smash a precious vase in front of your reckless preteen to demonstrate that even your intense love for your most sentimental item pales in comparison to how much you care about them.
7. Save a kid that fell into the well you built.
8. Tape a picture of Zac Efron to your fork, stab of a piece of food and scream "Zac attack!"
9. Put a sign up by the well to ensure that it won't happen again.
10. Put the “fun” in "funeral" by performing “Landslide” and every time you say “slide,” slide the casket down a Slip 'N Slide.
11. Wonder how many people still own Zunes.
12. Make sure your realtor knows that you have eaten paella before.
13. Stare at your blank phone screen like the woman in this stock photo.
14. Google search "motorcycle and fire party" so that if you die, people think you were cooler than you actually are.
15. Build a wall around the well because youths continue to fall in.
16. Clap about carrots.
17. Try and explain the concept of corners to your boss so many times that she fires you.
18. Pretend to be reading a New York Times headline and say, "Kevin Bacon says, 'No more acting for me. I just won't do it!'" and watch your aunt have a heart attack.
19. Lose sleep trying to figure out why, despite your best efforts, a staggering percentage of neighborhood children are still ending up in the well.
20. Find out that your reckless preteen has been the one convincing the town's youths to jump into the well all along.
21. My god.
22. Smash the well to pieces to show your reckless preteen that the town's access to clean drinking water pales in comparison to the lives of the village children.
23. Carve a pumpkin because fall is fun. Get into it, ya freak!