I started having acne when I was 14 and I’m still having it as a near 20 year old. Right now my face is the clearest it’s ever been, but it hit a major low point last year after I stopped taking my medication because I thought I was “okay.” I did actually need it, and it got progressively worse as I stayed off of it. Then came the hiding and negative self talk. Each time I would look in the mirror, all I would see was the combination of scars, white and black heads on my face. Slowly I forgot what my face looked actually looked like without all of it, and my insecurities and personal voice of self doubt grew louder.

Dismal, I know. But I also know that I’m not alone. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, acne is the most common skin condition in the United States, affecting up to 50 million Americans annually and approximately 85 percent of people between the ages of 12 and 24 experience at least minor acne. I had one of the worst types, cystic acne, but I’m grateful that I didn’t have a more serious long term skin condition. Acne is fixable, but it can still be a menace to treat and degrading to your self perception. It improved but while I had it, I learned a lot about others and myself.

1. People are more superficial than they let on

No one wants to admit it, but everyone— to an extent— cares somewhat about their outward appearance. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but rather a primal instinct we have used since our creation to evaluate situations and make decisions. However, when it’s used as a means to ignore or discriminate others solely based upon appearance, the situation gets ugly and very real. Thanks to acne, I learned who my true friends are and for those who saw me for my interests, personality and soul. Instead of seeing me for my face, they saw me for my heart.

2. I’m more superficial than I let on

Mid-sophomore year, at the peak of the worst acne I’ve ever had, I thought obsessively about my face. For a short period, I ignored the other talents I had to offer and continuously thought that once it cleared up, I would be happy. It was only until I realized that my happiness is within my own control (separated from other’s opinions) that I could be happy. Slowly I realized that my acne doesn’t define my own success or personhood. I defined myself, but by letting the obsession consume me, I made an active decision to stay unhappy although this situation was (and always has been) in my control.

3. People want to help you, but usually they don’t know what they’re talking about

I’ve had countless encounters with friends, family members and even one of my professors about acne treatment and remedies. I was even approached by a woman at my grandmother’s funeral in the bathroom. Before introducing herself or even her relation to my grandmother, she started to give me acne advice for a solid twenty to thirty minutes, completely ignoring the social signals I sent indicating I wanted to leave. I understand that others want to help, but usually they aren’t equipped with the information or more importantly, the credibility and experience to do so. It gets tiring and irritating when an individual who has experienced moderate acne tries to help someone else with a severe cystic acne condition (me) who has already tried everything spanning from Proactiv, Acutane (one of the most severe of all acne medications known to cause birth defects in pregnant women), and yes, even just regular soap or au naturale. Seriously, it’s just not that simple. Sometimes I wished I could slap the acne ignorance out of those people. My skin only looks this way now thanks to my highly skilled aesthetician. There are so many other great dermatologists and skin professionals out there, but finding the right one is sometimes comparable to finding your soulmate on Tinder.

4. Confidence is not an attitude, it’s a mindset, and it’s meant to be worn

I used to think that if my skin was better, then I would feel more confident about myself. That was partially true, but as my skin got worse, I also arguably became the most confident I had ever been. My extracurriculars excited me and my friendships were blossoming. I was happy and because of that, I became more confident in myself and in my abilities. I learned that true confidence is about how you feel about yourself and how you wish to present yourself to the world around you (even if your face is blotchy or itchy or red). No matter how your skin looks right now, just remember that you have something of value to offer to others and that you are of value yourself.

I’d like to take the time to thank my aesthetician, Mandy, for helping my skin heal, as well as my close friends for supporting me through this phase of my life. You guys are the best. For anyone out there still struggling with this, be patient. Know that there is a solution out there for you and it’ll end.