Growing up I had always been the super outgoing and funny friend. I loved to make my friends and family laugh, to the point where I was just downright obnoxious sometimes. Although I got on people's nerves sometimes, I knew that the people close to me loved me for who I was, but as I got older, I began to see a lot of what made me who I was, become overshadowed by something that I couldn't control.

I became easily irritated, to the point where I would lash out at my friends, family, and even my boyfriend. I didn't know why I would get extremely upset over the most minor things, and that made it even more frustrating. I didn't have an answer when people asked me what was wrong, or why I was acting the way I was because I didn't even know myself. Pretty soon I started to get very panicky in public, to the point where I wouldn't want to go anywhere by myself. On top of everything I was dealing with in my junior year of high school, I was also dealing with the fact that my behavior was straining every relationship that I had, and I knew I was in the wrong, but I didn't know how I could fix it.

I pretty much let myself get worse and worse, to the point where I would cause the most pointless arguments, and even major fights between me and the people that I loved. I especially took out my frustration on my boyfriend, who didn't understand it either, and I felt horrible about it, but I still didn't know what was wrong. I would get super irritable in public places and even had to leave the movie theatre two or three times because I got so paranoid that I was in danger when nothing was even wrong. Every time I knew I was meeting someone new, I would make myself physically ill because I was so nervous and worried about what they would think of me. The biggest concern that I had was whenever I began to feel that irritability or panic consume me, my hands and feet would go numb to the point where I couldn't even pick up a pencil or walk correctly. I started to ignore the fact that these feelings were consuming my life and making me a completely different person and learned to put up a front that everything was okay when in reality I didn't know how to ask for help and was too afraid of what would happen if I did.

I don't know why I was so embarrassed to talk to my mom about this, because we have a very open relationship and I know for a fact she would help me in any way that she could. I let this go on until right before this school year, my freshman year of college until I couldn't take it anymore. My boyfriend took me to a Harry Styles concert for my birthday, and if you know me, you know that Harry Styles is my #1. We were waiting in line for security and I don't know why, but I started to panic, to the point where I wanted to leave the concert and go home. I knew I would regret it and disappoint my boyfriend who had spent a ton of money on those tickets, but I couldn't control my feelings. I eventually got myself under control, with the help of one of my best friends who I was texting during this whole ordeal, who suggested that I go get help for what I would find out to be: generalized anxiety disorder.

I eventually told my mom that I wanted to go on medication for my anxiety, as nothing else was helping. I tried different techniques that didn't involve medication, but my anxiety was so bad that nothing else would help. I tried several different medications until I found one that actually improved the way that I felt, and I can say now that I'm not so irritable and panicky all of the time. I'm glad I spoke up and got help for myself, but at the same time, I don't like the fact that didn't ask sooner and felt embarrassed for how I was feeling. I don't think I would have been able to ask for help if it wasn't for my friend who pushed me to actually ask for it, and I'm really grateful that I have such caring friends that look out for me like that.

Acknowledging that I had a mental health issue made me a stronger person, and I can say now that I'm really happy, and back to the way that I was before anxiety took over my life. So, for anyone out there who is just sitting there suffering, too afraid or embarrassed to ask for help, I promise you that it will get better, you just have to find the courage to reach out.