When I was little, I was lucky. I was a smart kid, so a lot of teachers liked me, and I generally liked to keep to myself and I didn’t bother anyone, and so a lot of kids liked me. After a few years, there was of course a greater divide between what boys liked and what girls liked, and since the boys misbehaved more, they gained a stigma for being perpetually in trouble, while girls were considered less so by comparison – even when they sometimes caused trouble just so the boys would get in trouble.

As my younger brother entered middle school, I was reminded of this when I started realizing he sometimes wasn’t getting the same positive reinforcement I had for working just as hard. I realized with horror that I’d considered a lot of my old classmates of the male persuasion to be “smart, for a boy” or “nice, for a boy” because I thought of them as lower than myself. I thought I’d discovered reverse sexism in myself and I felt awful.

When I was in elementary school and somewhat throughout high school, most of the people around me were Latina, and most of our teachers were white. Don’t get me wrong, they were great teachers, but looking back that fact seems a bit peculiar. I wasn’t Latina, so I got questions like, “Are you sure you’re not Latina? Your parents speak Spanish. If you were Latina, do you think you would like it?” You know, little stuff curious kids ask each other.

Also, because I have thick curly hair, I’d get lots of inquiries over whether I was Jewish and when I was going to straighten my hair. It got to the point that I realized I was influenced by so many ethnicities and I didn't feel like I quite fit in most of them and I just called myself “other” on standardized tests.

I think both my schools kind of felt like that too, because while we celebrated Cinco de Mayo – a holiday you could argue would already be important to the students – and St. Joseph’s Day and St. Patty’s day – warranted due to being Catholic - we also celebrated Hawaiian Day during Spring Spirit Week, complete with grass skirts and hula (hoop) contests, and Chinese New Year with a dragon parade and envelopes on its appropriate day out of the year – despite there being no one of either ethnicity at our school, as far as I could tell.

We also acknowledged the existence of other religions’ and cultures’ holidays, but only during Christmas time if the holidays were similar (example: “Hey, the Advent wreath has candles and so do Hanukkah and Kwanzaa! Who’d have thought?”). We also have had Mexican-themed parties for birthdays sometimes in my family, and I’ve dressed up as a Native American (homemade feathered headbands were one of the easiest things to make back then), a hula dancer, and a “gypsy” dancer on occasion.

In the present, I’ve learned that this could technically be called cultural appropriation – which is a big no-no. No one of these “other” cultures was consulted or compensated most of the time, therefore it is technically just as ill-advised as using Maui from Moana’s skin color and tattoos on a fat-suit costume for little kids.

The thing is, I literally didn’t know any better. The only way I’d heard of any of these cultures being abused was via turning their holidays into drinking games, which I had been told were normal, so I didn’t know anything else was involved. So how much responsibility should I take in this? In the present, I’ve learned about many more cultures by taking classes and talking to people, and they invite me to join them in celebrations sometimes.

They’ve also told me about how I have a lot of privilege, by being a Christian, having the ability to get an education, being physically classified as white, and having two parents with steady income. They’ve also told me that while there is a such thing as internalized sexism and racism, a woman can only be prejudiced, not sexist, towards a man because society has been built for him, and a, for instance, black person can be prejudiced but not racist toward a white person because society has been built to favor white or lighter-skinned, European-looking people. Of course, I’m still learning, but let us utilize these statements as the basis of our thought.

They tell us that privilege isn’t an insult, but something to be aware of and use to help others who aren’t allowed that privilege. Yet, there are so many factors to acknowledge. How are we, as kids or college students or free adults, supposed to use that privilege to help others without turning into self-righteous descendants of the Age of Imperialism?

As near as I can figure, we start with ourselves and our relationship to people. You do get to first think, “How would I feel in this situation? Has this ever happened to me before? How do I feel watching the situation?” when you see people getting bullied or used. I think that is a valid first step. You then have to actually talk to people. You want to tell a fictional story involving elements of another culture?

You, of course, should do research, but you also have to talk to people of that culture to get their insight on the situation, and most likely only then you will find out about their problems and rough spots. You may find some topics are off limits for your story, but you will also be richer for the experience of connecting with another human being and culture. There are so many similarities as well as differences among the human race.

You want to support other cultures' stories? Promote creators of color and promote their causes. You want to throw a party and dress up to match the theme? Think about why you want that theme and whether it may do more harm than hurt to use it just to party. That could turn into a learning experience too. You think something of another culture is cool? It might just be me, but I think they become even cooler when you find out the meaning behind them. Knowledge makes us richer.

Lastly, if you see that people of another culture are struggling with an issue, and you care and want to help, connect to that group and ask them about the problem and how to help instead of just assuming and jumping to your own conclusions.

I may be still learning, but I think if we learn to connect and listen more to one another, we might make the world a better, stronger, more friendly place.