For the past two years, or so, I was stuck on something, a friendship. Not letting that friendship go ended up ruining my senior year and then made me envious my freshman year at university. At the peak of the friendship, it was the best I’ve ever had. I truly loved being able to have this person as my best friend. Towards the end of the friendship it hurt me more than anything. I wanted to fix whatever was wrong with the relationship, I wanted to save it so badly that I only made things worse for myself. You have to be able to accept when a friendship is over because if you don’t you can end up hurting each other.
When it’s done
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You know a friendship has seen the last of its days when the two of you don’t really talk anymore. When you hang out and it doesn’t feel like it had before and when you go to someone else before them or vice versa. Being able to recognize these signs is vital so that you don’t end up just feeling bad about what is happening. This doesn't necessarily apply to all friendships, the two of you could still be friends but not be the best friends you guys once where. Maybe you drifted apart in that way but still remain friends. What I went through is the complete loss of a friendship, we don't talk or text and we don't make plans together anymore.
Acceptance and moving on
Know that it is not your fault! This is really important to understand that it is no one’s fault that you have grown apart. You will go through a phase when you blame yourself that you are doing something wrong and then you will blame them and hate them for running something good, but you have to believe that it is neither of your guys’ faults. People grow apart it is just a part of life. Don’t let others put blame either. When a mutual friend of ours would try to find out why we weren’t the same friends as before she made me to look like the bad guy. I would try to just say how I felt and she would just constantly tell me that I was the one to blame and that I was hurting our friend and that I needed to fix things. It hurt hearing this from a friend because I felt that 1) they shouldn’t be taking sides and 2) they weren’t the least bit concerned how I felt. It seemed like she started the conversation knowing she was going to bash on me for ending this friendship and not actually listen to why I felt the friendship ended. I got blamed that it was my fault by the girl I grew apart from and that stung to because I felt it was her fault and then as I began accepting it I was able to see we were both at fault. I realized we both did things that lead to the friendship ending. Though now I feel there was nothing we could have done to keep it alive.
Something that has helped throughout this process is knowing that we had years of friendship behind us and that it doesn’t just go away overnight. I loved the friendship I had with this person and all the great memories that came from our years as best friends. Which is why I feel that later on in life we may find our way back to each other and pick up where we left of but for now its best we go our separate ways.
I just hope it doesn’t take people as long as it took me to accept what was happening and move on. For about two years I was hanging on to this friendship that was long gone. It caused me to feel bad and very insecure of myself and made me envious of people who had the perfect best friend relationships. There is no need to be bitter when it comes to growing apart, it happens and its normal.
