As the Christmas Season rapidly approaches, the controversy has sparked in the hearts and souls of people all across the globe inevitably must be addressed. This red-hot topic has broken friendships, destroyed marriages, and even put the world on the brink of an apocalyptic frenzy. All the drama stems from one simple question: At what time is it appropriate to listen to Christmas music? Everyone thinks they have the right answer—specific dates between which Christmas tunes may exclusively be played; I am here to shed my own light on the subject. Through scientific research, done by me without the aid of scientific methods at all, I have come up with a conclusive calendar of times when listening to Christmas music is socially acceptable.
1. The Christmas season
While this one seems obvious, I find it necessary to define the Christmas season in accordance with my research. I pronounce that the official Christmas season lasts from Black Friday until New Years Day. At anytime in this window, you are more than welcome, in fact, you are encouraged to jam to jolly holiday jigs. Exclusively. Don't listen to any other music. Or else.
2. Thanksgiving
I did previously say that the start of the official Christmas season began the day after Thanksgiving, and I stick by what I said, but have you ever glided around the kitchen with a baster full of turkey juice while dressed in your best sweater with no shoes on and listening to the Christmas Song by Nat King Cole? It is heavenly.
3. The entire season of winter
Christmas is usually associated with snow, winter, hot cocoa, snowmen, and the whole shebang, but in reality, Christmas just falls within the season of winter by the skin of its teeth. As a southerner, I'm consistently dreaming dreams that Bing Crosby dreamt, and so I've found that listening to White Christmas while sledding in the heart of February is simply magical.
4. Halloween
I know. You think I'm crazy. But Halloween is just simply not as good of a holiday as Christmas. It's an objective fact known worldwide. We shouldn't try to fight it—we should embrace it. Let's start dressing up as Mr. and Mrs. Claus for Halloween. Reindeer. Elves. Candy Canes. Christmas trees. Angels. Stars. Endless possibilities. Oh, and don't forget to listen to Christmas music. Do we really want to listen to the monster mash for the whole month of October? Yeah, right.
5. Easter
This one seems kind of blatantly obvious doesn't it? In the Christian theology, Christmas and Easter represent the birth and death of Jesus, respectively, so why not reflect on his birth while we are thinking about his death. Can you imagine dyeing eggs while your playlist shuffles between songs like O Holy Night and O Happy Day? And hey, if you aren't religious, dye yourself a red egg and listen to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
6. End of summer/back to school season
If Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, then the end of summer/back to school season is the worst. Why not spice it up with a little bit of Mariah Carey's Christmas album? Don't see the end of summer as the end of fun, see it as one step closer to Christmas Day. That school bus better be blaring All I Want for Christmas is You.
7. All summer long
While we are on the topic of summer, I might just add that this is the prime time to listen to Christmas music. Ever heard of Christmas in July? Suntanning by the pool? Christmas music. Margaritas on the beach? Christmas music. Sitting under a sky full of stars and stripes and the explosions of fireworks? Christmas music. Combining the best things in the world adds up to even better, right?
In conclusion, I've determined that any time is socially acceptable to listen to Christmas music. Don't let anyone tell you it is too early; it can always be the most wonderful time of the year with the right perspective. So sing your little heart out. Bah humbug to the naysayers.
And shoutout to my mom's Facebook for all these gems.
