This is what happens when you choose Jesus…
Growing up my father always told me, “the devil attacks the strongest ones the most”. My mom urged me to always stand firm in my faith, and she set a great example for me. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a community that always supported my faith. I went to Catholic school my whole life, and was surrounded by strong Catholics. Church was always home.
If I was struggling in school, I could sneak away and sit with Jesus in the chapel. If I was fighting with friends or family, or simply needed to clear my head, the Lord was a short fifteen minute walk away. Midnight trips to our small town church were not uncommon during stressful times like finals week or around graduation. Even with such a firm foundation in the church, my faith has been tried. I have been tested over and over and I have failed Him over and over. I have taken Him for granted. I have rejected His love and His message. I have chosen worldly things and ideas over him countless amounts of time. In Matthew 16:23 Jesus says, “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” I have thought as humans do far too many times. In this passage, Peter is begging Jesus, saying that he shall not have to endure the path of death that was planned for Him. Peter is focusing on comfort, as we humans tend to do far too often. I have thought as Peter did day in and day out. Wanting to sleep instead of study. Complaining because the walk to my University’s church is too far, or that it was too cold. I have let anxiety control my actions. I have let fears of other’s opinions affect how I practiced my faith. I denied Him far more than three times, saying things like “I’m not that religious”, “I don’t care that much”, or simply not acknowledging how much I am loved by Him. I have done things that glorify nothing but worldly gunk instead of glorifying Him.
I am not perfect. I will never be. I can only achieve the goal of reaching Heaven through his Grace and forgiveness. I am human, and I have made human mistakes.
When this happens, people mislead you. People who don’t understand the faith praise you for these kinds of behaviors. They laugh, they think you’re cool. This may seem fulfilling for a moment. You may feel happy, like you have a multitude of friends and everything is going great. Be warned: this is a false sense. You may feel this moment of happiness, but that happiness is fleeting. It is level one happiness and it is gone the moment something even remotely negative comes along. You will feel elated for a night, only to wake up in a spout of depression the next morning. This type of happiness is not fulfilling. You will find yourself endlessly searching for something to fill the gaping hole in your soul. You will throw yourself at fame and fortune, only to attain them and become used by them to the point that all they do is leave you wanting more. People are full of flaws. They will hurt you, they will break you. You will be left lying on the ground begging for someone to come along and put you back together. This is where Jesus comes in. You see, He’s been waiting there this whole time. He’s been sitting back, watching his lovely child struggle. He’s been there. He’s been silently observing as you stay up until three am wondering why that boy didn’t call back. He’s been there as you make a decision you never would have made a year ago. He’s been waiting. This whole time, His hand has been there. When you got a better grade than you deserved, He’s been there. He’s been sitting back and watching you shine. He’s allowed you to deny Him. He’s allowed you to fail Him. He gifted you with your free will and He’s allowed you to use it. Now you realize how empty you are. This is where you turn to Him. God loves you more than anyone else on this planet ever could. Think of the person who has every loved you the most. I guarantee, God loves you a hundred times more than that. Never ever forget that. Run to Him. Be fulfilled. Catholic churches are everywhere, and Jesus is sitting right inside that door. I was once told that the Eucharist is like radiation. Even if you forgot how to pray, or you don’t know what to say to Him, simply sitting in front of Him is enough.
Sitting in front of the tabernacle is like receiving radiation for this cancer of sin that has been building inside of you for so long. Pray for grace. Pray for courage. Pray for the strength to go to confession. Pray for the will to get to Mass on Sundays. Pray for friends who will support you in your faith. Pray for the bravery to stand up for yourself when attacked. You will waver, but you will be okay. When you start living for Christ, everything changes. Your heart will be full. You will find yourself being happy and smiling for no reason. (This is called joy, and it is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Boys, money, and food will not give you joy. God will.) You will have a reason to go to class, to study. You will be living for a purpose, not just for the next whimsical idea in life. You will no longer waste time on rumors and gossip, or judging people based on their appearance, rather you will see others as God sees them. You will help other people.
You will make the world a better place and your life will be more fulfilled. I don’t think I could have made it this far without the Lord. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have. I’ve walked the path without Christ and I promise you, it is not pretty. It is full of wolves and lions just waiting to see you fail. The day that I returned to Christ was the day that everything fell back together. Days when I’m not with Him I can feel it physically. I need Him, and it was a joke to ever think I didn’t. I have full trust in His plan, and I know He’ll lead me to exactly where I need to be. This does not mean that I will not fail him again, or that I’ll never be heartbroken or disappointed. It just means that maybe I’ll handle this thing called life just a little more gracefully. And that’s really all I can ask for.
