To my abuser,
First off, I want to start by saying I forgive you. I forgive you for the years of mental, physical, and emotional abuse I endured because of your unattended heart problems. Maybe, you forgot the things you said and did to me, or maybe you are too ashamed to admit you did me wrong; either way, I forgive you. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to forget what you put me through. Not all scars are physical -- you were much too smart for that. The cuts and bruises healed, but the mental and emotional scars go much deeper.Sometimes, what is said hurts worse than what is done.
Maya Angelou said it best when she said “a cynical young person is almost the saddest sight to see, because it means that he or she has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing”. I was raised to believe that love is manipulative, harsh words are okay to speak, and control and fighting were normal. I was raised to believe that a normal marriage is full of fighting and anger, yelling and pain.
It was nothing like the books portrayed. It took me years to realize things I never believed in, like love and marriage, are some of the most beautiful things life can bring to us. It took me over twenty years to realize the “love” I witnessed is not love at all, and true love can actually heal your soul. I have found people to fill the missing pieces in my life with a love I never knew existed. Thank you for raising me to recognize what love is not, so I can fully appreciate the love I have found.
I spent years resenting and hating you for hurting me the way you did. The words you said to me found a permanent home in my mind, just like how your voice still echoes in my head.I forgive you but I will never forget.I was so young and impressionable with no way to stand up for myself. What are you supposed to do when the person meant to protect you, is the very person threatening your life?
You put me through things someone at that age should never have to experience. The things I saw and heard, were things most people go their entire lives without witnessing. I have seen the hurt and resentment you hold so deeply bottled up inside, and my heart aches for you. I have seen how hard you are on yourself, but it isn’t fair to take that pain out on others.
Life is too short to have someone around who feels worse for themselves than for the things they have out others through What you did was not okay, and there will never be any excuses for that. I have forgiven you, not because you deserve it, but because I do -- I forgive you for my own sake, and peace of mind. I have finally accepted the apologies I know I will never receive from you. I pray God opens your eyes to the things you have done before you go and destroy another innocent life.
I am no longer bitter towards you for taking away many happy years of my life. Fortunately, for me, I got away from the toxic situation I had been trapped in for so long. I know I’m not the only victim of your abuse, and alcoholic rage. I'm finally healing from the years of anguish you put me through, and I’m using the pain to make me a better person. I will never allow you to keep me prisoner in my own mind again. One day, I will look back and be thankful for the lessons I learned from this, but for now I’m using the sticks and stones you threw at me to build my empire.
Thank you, for breaking the little girl I was, and creating the warrior I am today.
- The one you betrayed
