There are so many people who talk about how much they love their mothers, especially around mother's day. I'm not one of them. Yes, most moms are caring and kind and deserve to be worshipped, but not all of them. Moms can also be horrible human beings and can commit all sorts of abuse. So, to all of us who have that kind of mother this Mother's day, I have this message for you: you don't have to have a relationship with your mom just because she is your mom.
Growing up, my mother was neglectful at best and emotionally abusive at worst. The abuse usually consisted of leaving me alone for very long periods of time and not buying me bras when I desperately needed them. But sometimes it was saying I needed to lose weight while I was crying over bullies teasing me about it. And then there was this one time where she picked me up from school more than an hour late because she was at the bar. Needless to say, I'm still salty. So, the moment I had the chance, I cut contact.
This caused a lot of problems in my family, mostly with my grandma trying to guilt me into talking to my mom and everyone else saying "but she's your mother." Even now, every Christmas I get asked why I don't talk to her and nobody agrees with my decision because she's my mother and somehow that requires me to love her. But I stood my ground. I refuse to have a relationship with someone who regularly puts me down and does not care about my needs, even if she is my mother. And you don't have to either.
People say it takes more than just getting someone pregnant to be a dad. Well, the same goes for moms. Just because she had a baby doesn't mean she is a mother, it means she had a baby. And if she mistreats that baby, it has every right to hate her.
So, if you have that kind of mom, you don't have to put up with it. Despite what people tell you, being family does not negate abuse. If your mother is mean to you or neglects your needs, you don't have to continue that relationship.
Since cutting contact with my mother, my life has gotten infinitely better. I became much more self-confident and felt more fulfilled with life. I also started making sure my needs were filled. A lot of damage was done during my childhood, but now I have a chance to heal without my mother in my life.
So, for those who keep in contact with your abusive mother, you don't have to. If talking to her or spending time with her makes you feel depressed or anxious, or if she insults you, takes advantage of you, or physically hurts you, you don't have to put up with that. You deserve better.
And for those of you who have already cut contact with your abusive mothers, you're doing the right thing. I know it can be annoying with everyone asking how you could not love your mother or telling you that you have to talk to her because she's your mother. And I know that mother's day is especially hard, not having a mother who cares about you or treats you well. But you are doing what is best for you and that's what matters.
