I wonder if most of you have seen the movie Suicide Squad, or have heard of the two infamous characters by the names of Harley Quinn and the Joker? Or perhaps the world of Batman, and the foes that he faced? Well, if you haven’t, let me introduce you to the couple that introduced domestic abuse into the comic world, when DC brought them into play in the early nineties.

Originally a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum, Harleen Quinzel requested to be assigned to the Joker, a psychopathic criminal mastermind, whom she seemed to think she could change for the better. Along the way, through stories and potential lies, she fell in love with him, and became quite attached to him, deeming her his “lover”. However sweet this may seem, it is anything but when you look at the bigger picture. Her transition into the well-known villain ‘Harley Quinn’, started when the young woman was thrown into a vat of chemicals by none other than the criminal she had fallen in love with, and slowly was driven insane by his repeated admittances to the asylum.

The Joker on the other hand, his history doesn’t delve as deep as some might think, but his origin stemmed from his life as a failed comedian, attempting to support his pregnant wife. His psychotic background began when he was pressured to commit crimes, under the alias, ‘The Red Hood’. When Batman interfered with these plans, he jumped into a pit of chemicals, which left his face significantly and ghastly disfigured.

Now, you may be wondering how such a seemingly lovely pair could be involved in something as disgusting as abuse. Throughout their relationship, there were several signs that popped up that cleared the way for the discovery that in fact, it was a severely abusive one. If you are unfamiliar with some of the characteristics of an abusive relationship, allow me to state a few, and see if you can sense some similarities between these traits and the aforementioned pair.

Often times, an abuser has a violent family history, and if I recall correctly, the Joker told Harleen a story about his physically abusive father. In addition, a few other traits include jealousy, controlling behavior, unrealistic expectations and especially, hypersensitivity. All of these can be linked to the Joker if you observe closely. Other components that can be seen in the Joker are dual personalities, verbal abuse/insulting, isolation and blaming others for things that he has done, or blaming the victim.

Let’s take a look at some of the results of abuse that can be seen in an abuse victim, ones that Harley has portrayed in past comics, as well as in many of the films and cartoons. Many show a lack of trust, due to the continual abuse and lies that they face as a victim. There is a large amount of denial involved, in fear of revealing the truth, and receiving worse treatment for it. Some become aggressive upon reflex when defending themselves or others, and also have a lot of shame/guilt and anxiety or fear about their situation, as well as ones that occur in their everyday lives, that might seem normal to others, but no longer to them. They begin to feel powerless and defeated, and seek attention as endgame due to the lack they receive from their abuser.

If you need further convincing, allow me to enlighten you on a few examples of abuse in their relationship, especially in many of the original films, such as Harley being thrown out of a window, slapped, and degraded. while at first, I thought that the vat scene in Suicide Squad was another attempt at romanticizing them, but given a closer perspective, some victims are forced to show their love for their abuser, and that scene was a perfect example of this. But many of the other scenes with the two were romantic, and seen as how a relationship should be.

A lot of people now, having seen Suicide Squad, think that the Joker and Harley Quinn are “relationship goals”, or that they are a cutesy little couple that should be looked up to, and I’m here to say that, this is not the example we should be setting for our younger audiences or for anyone in general, whether they’re in a relationship or not. These kinds of relationships are not ones that should be our role models or ones that we wish we could be in, because of how “adorable” it looks in a movie, one that is separate from the original, which was much more dark and violent. Harley Quinn and the Joker’s storyline together was intended to show the effects and characteristics of domestic, emotional, verbal and all around abuse, not to be romanticized.

My point is that, abuse does not equal love, in any way shape or form, no matter how people attempt to portray it. Abuse is not a game, nor is it ever something that should be idolized, and as I mentioned earlier, it is not something to be taken lightly, or romanticized/softened, because it is none of those things in real life, so we should not treat it as such.

Last, but not least, getting out of a relationship like this, as well as recovering is possible. What many people do not know, is that Harley Quinn eventually realized what kind of relationship she was in, and tried to get out of it, with the help of her newfound friend and somewhat lover interest, Poison Ivy. She eventually became her own person again, and rewrote her life, moving on from what the past did to her, and so can others whom are going through something like this. You are never alone, and there will always be help out there for you.

You are strong, and so so beautiful and you do not deserve any kind of abuse or harm, in any way possible, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. If you, a loved one, or someone you know has or is going through abuse, here are a few numbers/hotlines that could help them figure out the steps to take in order to seek assistance in getting out of harm’s way.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1(800)-799-SAFE (7233)

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline (TN): 1(800)-356-6767

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1(886)-331-9474

The Tennessee Crisis Intervention Center: 1(615)-244-7444

Tennessee Child Abuse Hotline: 1(877)-237-0004