Remember in the 2004 film Mean Girls when we would watch scenes of Health Class and we thought actual Health Class would be exactly like that? Well, that’s a load of crap. It’s crap, because even though the Health Class in the movie was supposed to be funny and honest (which it was), it accurately portrayed how Sex Education class should really be taught. Here’s an insert of a quote from the film, “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, promise? Okay, everybody take some rubbers.” –– Said by Coach Carr. Yes, yes. We may have laughed (I surely did). Others may have looked up “missionary position” on Urban Dictionary (because where else will you find a modern definition of the term?) Some of us were scared that this exchange would actually happen (the lecture not the actual act). Bottom line is, Sex Education Classes should 1). Hold a higher priority than it is now 2). Be mandatory for all school starting middle school (stop the confusion early, I say) 3). Shouldn’t do what it’s doing now which is: sugar-coating everything and stepping around the important stuff…which is everything, and expecting everyone in the room to automatically know what the teacher is talking about. Not everyone is comfortable asking questions, so just say what it is, how it’s done, and let’s move on, okay?

You may be asking me, “There’s a difference between Health Class and Sex Education Class.” There may be a difference, but there shouldn’t be. The terms should be used interchangeably, but in our current time, Health Class gears towards the body with little mention of the specifics of the reproductive system. Sex Education Class focuses exclusively on the reproductive system and all that entails. If this is the case, then I can say that I never took a Sex Education course. I took a Health Class.

In fifth grade the school thought it would be a good idea to introduce the students to peer pressure involving sex by using education videos involving “real kids”, but without saying the word, what its, and how it’s done. Firstly, fifth grade? Really? I would be really scared for the human condition if people are running around having sex in fifth grade. Second, if you’re going to going to have a sex-ed course, sue the actual word. Don’t use “It”. There are many down-falls to this. If you’ve seen the movie version of Stephen King’s It, then you’re going to be really scared for your life in more ways than one (we’re currently facing a clown problem, apparently). Another reason not use “it” is because it holds no direct link to the actual word you’re referring to. As an elementary school student, “it” means “tag, you’re it.” when you’re playing tag. If this is the case, we can run up the person we want to have sex with and say “tag, you’re it.” It’ll be even funnier, if we don’t run away after that. Oh, the stories we’d tell of our days on the playground.

I didn’t hear more about the small word with big consequences in a formal fashion until high school. That’s sad, I know, but whatever. Everything else I heard has been sugar-coated, euphemisms, and dirty jokes. It hard to learn about the birds and bees and what they be doing in the trees if people refuse to be clear on the subject. I’m sure many high schools hold a requirement that you have to take a year of gym (along with the less important Health Class) in order to graduate. My high school did. I took gym my freshman year to “go ahead and get it over with”. Gym was the majority of the activities during that whole year. Only a handful of times were spent in the classroom learning about the body—even less time on the procreating system. At the end of the year, we watched the Miracle of Birth video. The only thing I remember from that video was the fact the couple was awkward as hell. All this talk about “trying so hard to have a baby, but we just couldn’t” thing until finally—spontaneous—they were pregnant. I call bull on this whole thing. The video talked about the scientific aspects of sex, but not necessarily on the actions of the act. My poor brain was just befuddled for inadequate information. For all you get from the film, you just kiss a person and get pregnant. A year as a sophomore I signed up for Introduction to Healthcare Science (At the time, I wanted to be an x-ray technician when I grew up, so this was a good course to take). We watched the same video, same awkward couple, same scientific explanations with big words that I couldn’t pronounce. The whole thing gave me headache from the incompleteness of it all. It was just awful. I’ll let this soak in.

In case my experiences in learning weren’t clear, we need to make sex education a big priority. I came from a small town that a large teen pregnancy rate. If this can happen with minimum discussion on sex, I only shudder to think what would happen in a few years’ time. We go around making math, social studies, English, and science the main subjects in school. It’s understandable why people think this, but there’s more the basic education than just those 4 subjects. So much more. Schools have to start taking sex seriously. If they don’t, the younger generations won’t. Sex will be a casual thing that holds no meaning anymore. A person with an STD wouldn’t be any different from the next person on the street. Private schools and public schools are all be granted with enough funds to get a thorough and sufficient Sex Education class. This class wouldn’t be for just one year. No. Sex is a big concept with many different aspects in it ranging from: the act itself (scientifically and literally), STDs and protection, types of sexuality and how sex differs for each, etc. It’s not that hard (no pun intended) to put decent education to our school system. Parents constantly prefer for their children to learn from teachers instead of their friends, but who’s properly teaching them?

Parents fall into a side-point of mine where skeptics say, “Parents should inform their children on the naughty parts of life preferably around puberty (gosh I hate that word, I like the term “metamorphosis” better) It’s not the responsible on the school.” I call crap on this too. Some children don’t have reliable parents or even a legal guardian to inform them. Even those who do have the best of parents aren’t guaranteed to enlighten their kids on something so personal. With this in mind, this is more the reason, sex education should be made high priority. Sooner and not later.

My second main point ties close to my first main point and my previous paragraph. Educating our youth should start in middle school. While it is possible to start puberty—no, metamorphosis—at an earlier age, middle school would be the best time. Why? Elementary schoolers would get confused. For Christ’s sake, their parents are still giving them the “a stork dropped you on our door-step story. Those poor kids. Not finding what sex is until High School will set those kids up for humiliation. High School is rough enough as it is. Just take Mean Girls for example. The majority of kids tend to go through metamorphosis around middle-school aged, so that’s the time where properly educating them in sex should begin. Like I mentioned before, this isn’t a one-year thing. It starts in 6^th grade and continues all the way through 12^th grade. There’s a lot to talk about and sex is a general term. Remember, the course has to cover, sex both literally and scientifically, STDs and protection, pregnancy, types of sexuality and how sex (the act) differs for each. That’s a lot of material. You have to start young (the educating not the having sex part).

This last point is probably the most important one I cover. Stop “sugar-coating”, or “beating around the bush”. It’s annoying as hell and too damn confusing for people like me who like to be told things directly. Sometimes looking it up online later won’t cut it. We need to be bold and direct when we speak of sex. If you’re going to point out, I made some jokes, beat around the bush, or had any nicknames for sex flowing all throughout this article let me tell you I did that for a reason. And that reason was to emphasize this whole paragraph right here. Society doesn’t help very much with all the slang we use for everything. I had to look up many things on Urban Dictionary just to understand a conversation I couldn’t contribute in. Why couldn’t I contribute? Because I didn’t know what the hell anyone was talking about! No, it’s not funny. This is serious. Coach Carr in Mean Girls didn’t sugar-coat things, and neither should us. His actions later on in the film could be questioned, but the way he ran his class by being direct is the way to go. Along with the quote from my opening, the coach also had a blackboard with STDs on it. How many schools do that? Not many. It’s a sad, sad world.

Let’s see. Am I forgetting anything here? To end on a comical note, I could say we should be more like Mean Girls, but for those who had seen the movie, that would be counter-productive. Some of you out there may be counting how many times I used the phrase “Sex Education Class/Course” and want me to finish my ranting, but hear me out. I strongly believe my idea could work. What can we do? Protest! Be aggressive (with the sex education in schools not the—forget it)! Draft proposals in your hometown. Tour the United as States and speak out against the injustice we Americans face. We already have many groups protesting for different reasons, what’s going to stop one more?