So you’re in college, now what?

Growing up, I remember having to create a timeline of all the things I wished to accomplish by time it was 2020 or I was 26 years old; to be more precise. As I recall, I was supposed to be married, have a Ph.D in forensics, own a mansion, own a company and have a loving little kid. To date 7/12/2020 I have accomplished zilch. I don't have a boyfriend (shocking). I see myself leaning towards the cat lady life. I have yet to complete my bachelors. I am a traditionally broke college student. I definitely don’t want kid; they’re too much responsibility. Basically, I have more "fat weekends" through the week than on actual weekends.

As i reflected on not meeting any of my goals; I was disappointed. They type of disappointment you feel when the pizza parlor is closed on a needed fat day. I panicked, which caused me a lot of depression and anxiety. I felt pretty useless. Although I didn’t meet those goals, I can’t say I haven’t done anything; it may not align to what I wanted when I was younger and less reckless. But i can safely say I am less reckless. Point in case is, when my teachers had me doing these timelines they forgot to mention that you need to be realistic. It’s not entirely possible unless you have an IQ that is equal to or higher than Newton, if you have a whole pile of money just lying around, and if you know someone who is willing to marry you; let alone accept the fat weekday traditions.

Instead of just nodding their head in approval that I had goals to begin with, I wish somebody would have warned me of what life can throw at you. No one tells you that even if you get good grades, it does not mean you will end up in your dream college, let alone be able to afford it. A good grade does not always mean good scholarships either. They forget to mention that everything is a competition and there are many others trying to achieve their own goals too. I'm a complete stranger to you an as you are to me and who knows, what I outdid you in or vice versa. For all I know you may be smart as hell but not as good looking and I may be living your dream to be able to accept that I wont make everyone proud but i am doing what i love. Who knows.

Secondly, what I wish someone had told me was that once you start making your own plans, not everyone will follow you. You will lose a lot of friends-- not by choice, but by difference in goals, interest and the decisions we make that alter our lives greatly or minute.

When I was in primary school I had six friends who I consider to this day sisters. Before we graduated from primary school we made a pact:

• Do not choose new friends over old friends.
• If a new friend made an old friend uncomfortable ditch them.
• No matter what we will always be friends, and promise to never lose contact no matter the circumstance.

As we got older the promise and values of this pact lost its charm. We still keep in contact (rarely, more so coincidentally) but we are not as close as we used to b;, we are no longer in constant contact. Want to know why?

LIFE.

Their lives changed as well as mine. We grew up together, but we grew apart. We wanted to make it with what we had, but hey; shit happens. The same friends I was to go to college with are either somewhere else in the world, working a job, have kids, or never left an unforeseen issue. We are strangers to each other. Facing our own challenges and obstacles with our own selfish desires of “making it”.

Coming from someone who did not live up to her own expectations, I want you to know that I live each day without a regret, just misadventures, new adventures, and exuberantly. I do; still feel I should be further ahead than where I am now. At the same time; I can say I truly learned how to do things for myself and what pleases me rather than doing what would please the people around me. I also learned that with every decision I made there will be changes of course, but no matter how minute it is, it can alter a lot of things. And who knows you may or may not benefit from this narrative because we all come different walks around from life . But from me to you, "You cannot find wonderland with your feet glued to same scenery."

Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." -Victor Kiam