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The Basic ABCs Of Professional Football

It's a long off season...

Will Sherry

Jul 12, 2017

Alpharetta, Georgia

Wikimedia Commons

The NFL off season is the period of time in which there is no formally scheduled game. This is a time for many of the players to relax and enjoy themselves before they return to participate in OTAs (Organized Team Activities). While the players enjoy their well-earned vacation, the fans of football everywhere must suffer for more than 200 days (215 approximately) without a single down of their beloved sport. In order to help out those fans who can't take one more day of no coverage over their favorite sport, here are the ABC's of NFL players.

A is for Antonio Brown

Antonio Brown + Big Ben + Le'veon Bell = Total Annihilation

B is for Bruce Irvin

Bruce Irvin is a monster LB for the Oakland Raiders who was drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in 2012.

C is for Calvin Johnson

Calvin Johnson AKA "Megatron" was a huge asset for the Detroit Lions during his NFL career. At WR, this potential Hall of Famer was practically unstoppable.

D is for David Harris

Recently signed by the New England Patriots, there's no telling what magic Belichick will be able to work with LB David Harris.

E is for Ezekiel Elliott

Not much needs to be said for Elliott apart from absolute beast...

F is for Joe Flacco

Flacco hasn't done too terribly much for the pitiful Baltimore Ravens since his Superbowl win in 2013, however remains one of the highest paid QBs in the league. Go figure...

G is for Greg Olsen

Greg is a great TE for the Carolina Panthers who is bound to have some more great seasons ahead of him

H is for Joe Haden

Haden is a 2x Pro Bowler DB for the Cleveland Browns

I is for Ike Taylor

Ike is a former CB for the Pittsburgh Steelers

J is for J.J. Watt

J.J. is a monstrous DE for the Houston Texans who has all men on the offense, including the linemen, scared for their life.

K is for Kam Chancellor

Bam Bam Kam is a SS (Strong Safety) for the Seattle Seahawks who increases the decibels in CenturyLink Field with his hard-knocking hits.

L is for Larry Fitzgerald

Larry Fitzgerald is a long-time Arizona Cardinal who has led them to several playoff appearances as well as a Superbowl appearance against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

M is for Matt Ryan

My personal favorite player and QB in the NFL, Matt Ryan, is a longtime Falcons player who really knows how to throw the rock around the field.

N is for Nate Solder

Nate is a tackle for the New England patriots who was drafted 17th overall in the 2011 NFL draft.

O is for Odell Beckham Jr.

Even though Odell can be quite the showoff, who can hate the guy? He's what makes football fun to watch with his spectacular catches and far out celebrations.

P is for Peyton Manning

Although Peyton is no longer in the League, he was one of the top five QBs of all time. He was able to win a Superbowl for each of the two teams he played for: Denver Broncos and Indianapolis Colts.

Q is for Robert Quinn

Quinn is an Outside Linebacker for the Los Angeles Rams who played college football at the University of North Carolina.

R is for Rob Gronkowski

Big Gronk isn't just know for his skills at TE, but also for his celebrations.

S is for Sebastian Vollmer

Sebastian is a former German offensive tackle for the New England Patriots.

T is for Aqib Talib

Talib is a former CB for the New England Patriots who now plays for the Denver Broncos. He helped lead the defense to the Bronco's Superbowl win in 2016.

U is for Max Unger

Unger is a former Seahawks Center who now plays for the New Orleans Saints.

V is for Vic Beasley

Vic is a linebacker for the Atlanta Falcons who finished the 2016-2017 season with the most sacks in the NFL.

W is for Will Witherspoon

Witherspoon was a linebacker who was drafted by the Carolina Panthers in the 2002 NFL Draft. After some time in the NFL, he decided to join the Army.

X is for Xavier Rhodes

Xavier is a CB for the Minnesota Vikings who is most infamous for his clashes with Odell Beckham Jr.

Y is for Marshal Yanda

Yanda is a Guard for the Baltimore Ravens who was drafted by the Ravens in the Third Round of the 2007 NFL Draft.

Z is for Zack Martin

Zack is an Offensive Guard for the Dallas Cowboys who was drafted 16th overall by the Cowboys in the 2014 NFL Draft.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but Kermit the Frog meme That's none of my business)

5. The toilet seat will remain down.

6. There's more money to spend on yourself.

7. There's always this secret butterfly in your tummy that marvels at the possibility that when you go out this weekend you're gonna meet someone super handsome/wonderful/prince-like and have this moment of dazzling dalliance.

8. Nothing is that serious...you can take it all with a grain of salt...you don't owe anybody anything.

9. You can dance with anyone and everyone...or no one (Hello frat boi w/ glasses, I see you).

10. You don't have to fluff anyone's ego but your own.

11. Free drinks and dinners from single guys (It's not taking advantage if they're offering; a girl's gotta eat).

12. You have more time to learn how to love and improve yourself rather than constantly pouring your energy into another person.

13. You don't have to sacrifice your cheesy Jen Aniston rom-coms and Gilmore Girls for his Fast and Furious/other dumb action movie featuring blonde that is only in the movie to supply a relationship to the male lead and to make him look more masculine/empowered in juxtaposition (In other words, you don't have to deal with a guy being a crabby Patty while you watch your cute movies).

14. You can daydream about what your future husband may be doing right now (and not get stressed/guilty out because you're not picturing your current boyfriend that's crazy about you as your future husband).

15. There is more time to be spent with your girlfriends.

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The Basic ABCs Of Professional Football

It's a long off season...

A is for Antonio Brown

B is for Bruce Irvin

C is for Calvin Johnson

D is for David Harris

E is for Ezekiel Elliott

F is for Joe Flacco

G is for Greg Olsen

H is for Joe Haden

I is for Ike Taylor

J is for J.J. Watt

K is for Kam Chancellor

L is for Larry Fitzgerald

M is for Matt Ryan

N is for Nate Solder

O is for Odell Beckham Jr.

P is for Peyton Manning

Q is for Robert Quinn

R is for Rob Gronkowski

S is for Sebastian Vollmer

T is for Aqib Talib

U is for Max Unger

V is for Vic Beasley

W is for Will Witherspoon

X is for Xavier Rhodes

Y is for Marshal Yanda

Z is for Zack Martin

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Don't let the thesaurus-inspired vocabularies in our résumés fool you. We're actually just big kids.

"You should know exactly what career is right for your future by the time you're 18."

"Save all your money."

"Get plenty of sleep and adjust to a regular sleep schedule."

"Make sure to eat healthy, balanced meals. Don't forget those fruits and vegetables."

"Surround yourself with good, moral people."

"Don't do anything stupid."

Seriously, who wouldn't love pizza?

Pizza is like a BFF

It can be delivered right to your door!

You can eat it at any time of the day

It's there for you after a breakup

It's the best party food

Celebrities love it too

Everyone loves it!

Pizza doesn't care what you look like

It comes in all forms

It's the food that is always free at events

It's always available

Two Words: Frozen Pizza

You can customize it any way you want

Going on a date and don't know what to eat? Pizza

Vegan? Vegetarian? Gluten Free?

It's Delicious

Clean Up is easy

Burned dinner? Order pizza

Pizza Apparel

Just...Pizza.

Dedicated to February 14

1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

5. The toilet seat will remain down.

6. There's more money to spend on yourself.

7. There's always this secret butterfly in your tummy that marvels at the possibility that when you go out this weekend you're gonna meet someone super handsome/wonderful/prince-like and have this moment of dazzling dalliance.

8. Nothing is that serious...you can take it all with a grain of salt...you don't owe anybody anything.

9. You can dance with anyone and everyone...or no one (Hello frat boi w/ glasses, I see you).

10. You don't have to fluff anyone's ego but your own.

11. Free drinks and dinners from single guys (It's not taking advantage if they're offering; a girl's gotta eat).

12. You have more time to learn how to love and improve yourself rather than constantly pouring your energy into another person.

14. You can daydream about what your future husband may be doing right now (and not get stressed/guilty out because you're not picturing your current boyfriend that's crazy about you as your future husband).

15. There is more time to be spent with your girlfriends.

To go out or not to go out this Friday night...

Pregaming the pregame

Coming home after a long day

Waiting patiently for your roommates to come home/your friends to come over

People have arrived and it's time to eat

Talking about going out but make no real effort actually get ready to go out

Looking at the clock and realize, it's game time...and you're just not ready

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4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but Kermit the Frog meme That's none of my business)