Well, in case you haven't heard 2019 is over and we are welcoming a whole new year and decade. In light of this fresh start I thought I would reflect on the past year before diving into the new one. I hope you can relate or at least sympathize with my thoughts, oh and happy new year.
The one word that sums up my 2019 experience is growth. I grew so much as a person in 2019 that sometimes it still surprises me. Everyone has a time in their life when they feel themselves stepping into their own skin and really owning who they are, that was 2019 for me. I became really unapologetic and confident in myself that I truly felt alive and unstoppable. Before I could grow, however I had to make changes to prompt this growth. I changed my mind set and tried to channel all of my energy into doing things I enjoyed and tried to be as productive as possible. This past semester of college really showed that. I worked harder than I think I ever have before and accomplished a lot. I ended the semester with straight A's, spoke on a panel in front of an auditorium full of people, found a really good group of friends and just overall became a lot more independent. So, I guess you could say 2019 was a good year for me. I made many changes and in turn received a lot of growth, but it wasn't easy. I love learning and I love what I get to study at college but it is easy to become your own worst critic when you're alone and making all of your own decisions.
I have always been a very ambitious person but also a perfectionist, which most of the time works in my favor but sometimes it doesn't. In 2019 I found out I have a really strong work ethic. Anything I am a part of I want it to be the best it can possibly be all of the time. I have really high standards for myself and can sometimes push myself a little too hard. In the process of getting all A's, there was a lot of stress and even some tears at times. My family would often tell me to stop working to go do something fun. I know I have said it a million times but trying to find the right balance of working hard but still doing fun things is so hard. However, I think I made some progress with that in 2019. I would set aside time to talk or hangout with friends and not do any work at all. Those times were mostly around meals when I had to stop working anyway, but progress is progress. I think I will always be an ambitious and hard working person but in 2019 I learned it's okay to take a step back. It's okay to let yourself breath and take a break. It's okay to take time for yourself or for friends. I learned that not being perfect is okay.
Telling a perfectionist that not being perfect is okay is hard and sometimes I don't like to accept it. Anything I do or put my name on, I want it to be perfect, but that just isn't the case most of the time. Trying hard on everything I do can cause me a lot of stress and it can be hard for me to really relax and unwind. However, no matter how stressed out I was I knew God had a plan for me and was helping me. In 2019 I prayed a lot, often more than once a day. I would try to release any stress I had onto God because I knew he was in control anyway, not me. In 2019 I learned more how to let things go and to really rely on God. I have always believed in God my whole life but over the past year I really tried to rely on Him more and that is my proudest accomplishment of 2019 by far.
Whether your 2019 was good, bad or somewhere in between, you made it. You learned, you grew and are a changed version of yourself because of it. While we enter into a new year it is important to reflect and recognize the progress you have already made. Be proud of every accomplishment and failure you made in 2019 because it was all for the best to prepare you for a new year as well as a new decade.
