Throughout my life, I've looked at my friends through the eyes of a director. I assigned roles to each one of them in ways that I thought would be the best fitting for the over the top production that is my life. From there, I would continue to micromanage their every move, in an attempt to have complete control over the final product as if only I knew what was best as if the world somehow revolved around me. So, whenever they stepped out of line…whenever they made choices that I didn't agree with, that didn't benefit me…boy, my head could've exploded into a million tiny little meatballs.
I love my friends very much, don't get me wrong, but, in high school, I noticed this trend of disappointment I kept feeling and wondered whether it was a problem with them or a problem with me. So, naturally, I threw all the blame on them. I was thrilled by the idea of going to college and starting over. I was going to head off to school and recast the roles in my life, only better this time.
But then something funny happened: nobody was falling into the slots I had open. They were falling into new places in my life. And something even funnier? My old friends weren't going anywhere, they were merely shifting—or maybe it's just my perspective that was.
Because here's what I learned (and am continuing to learn, admittedly): the world doesn't revolve around me. Friends are people, too, and satisfying your every need is not in their job description. Everyone is going through stuff; everyone is just trying to make their own way through this muddled world, and the only requirement of a true friend is to hold your hand as you make it through together.
And so my feelings are going to be hurt sometimes, and that's okay. I'm going to let down my friends sometimes, and although that sucks, it's just how it goes. But I'm learning to be happy for my friends for who they are, and not subscribe to a type of faux happiness that is dependent on how they serve me. Because it's not just about me—it's about every single one of them, too.
How does that old song go?
Make new friends,
but keep the old;
one is silver,
and the other's gold.
I'm grateful for everything my friends, old and new, have taught me and will continue to teach me for the rest of my life, and I hope that they would say the same about me.
