For my last essay as a freshman in college, I was told to write about who I was at 10 years old, who I am now, and who I want to be at age 30. I thought it would be cool to post it, because most people really didn't know why exactly I went to ASU all of a sudden. So, here you go! I hope you enjoy!

As I am writing this essay, I am sitting in the middle seat of an airplane headed for home after being at Arizona State for an entire school year. That right there should give you a little look into who I am, considering that I waited until the last second to finish the final assignment of my freshman year. Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow, right? Gotta love that motto. All jokes aside, I am also doing a lot of self-reflection on my first year of college and who I've really become in these past nine months. I can't help but smile when I think about all of the amazing things I have experienced, the people I have met, and the lessons I've learned this year. They really aren't lying when they say your freshman year of college changes you in a countless amount of ways.

In order to understand who I am as of right now, I must go back and explain the past of Caroline Linch. Ever since I was a toddler, I have been drawn to the spotlight. Pop any family tape in a VCR and you'll see me trying to get the camera's attention every single time. I loved to entertain and be seen and known by everyone. I was dramatic, sassy and very obnoxious. It makes sense that my parents got me into theatre at the young age of seven. My life thus began to be filled with nothing but dance, singing, and acting lessons. Living in Tucson, Arizona at the time, I joined a huge theatre organization called CYT, where we performed musicals at the University of Arizona. I've been every character you could imagine. From a Lost Boy in Peter Pan to July in Annie (one of the ~main~ orphans in the show… I thought I had made it big then) to a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz, I've seen it all. I loved it. I was amazed by everything about entertainment. I knew it was my calling, and my one dream was to be in movies one day. I was so obsessed with performing that I would print out entire scripts of musicals and act them out in my bedroom over and over again. One particular favorite of mine when I was around 10 was the musical Wicked. I vividly remember watching it in a beautiful theatre auditorium in Tucson with my mom, and I was obsessed ever since after that. All you would hear around our house was me singing Defying Gravity at the top of my lungs. I did plays with CYT for five years until my parents dropped the news on me that we would be moving to middle of nowhere Alabama.

I was crushed.

What was I going to do without theatre? There were no good theatre programs where we were moving to, and I was devastated. It seemed like all of my dreams were fading away.

And they did.

My middle school and high school years completely changed me. I went from this exuberant and bubbly individual to a girl who was hiding behind her peers. I stopped singing and acting, which resulted in a loss of passion for it. I grew to be extremely anxious and shy. Looking back at it now, I completely obliterated everything that I had once defined myself as. It became a matter of who people wanted me to be, not WHO I wanted to be. That was really hard for me throughout my young teenage years.

Now, I know I'm supposed to describe who I am as of today at this point, but bear with me for a just a little longer, okay? It'll be worth it.

Flash forward to my senior year. The year of ACT scores, stupid classes, and many stressful decisions. Thankfully, I didn't have to go through all of that stress, because I had given myself back in my sophomore year a full set plan of my what my future would be. Graduate high school, go 30 minutes away from home to Auburn University (just like everyone else), and become a kindergarten teacher (I don't really know why). With a little push from my parents, I got back into theatre with the drama club at my high school. I thought it was stupid, but I did it anyways to please my family. Surprisingly, I was able to score the lead character of our play that year, and I was received by numerous comments from people saying that I should make this a career and that they'll be seeing me in theaters one day. I was extremely confused by all of it. This is not what I'm meant to do???? That was just a dumb hobby of mine when I was a kid.

But it still sparked an interest deep down inside me. At that point in time of my senior year, I was in a really bad state. I started to question everything I had planned on doing, and felt that going to an in-state school was not the best decision for me. I just didn't know where else I could possibly go. I started really getting into watching YouTube videos, specifically an entertainment channel called ClevverTV. It's basically a combination of the E! Channel and Buzzfeed videos based through YouTube. I started to think, wow this would be such a cool job. I then began researching people who worked there and where they went to school. My favorite girl featured on the show is named Lily Marston, and I saw that she majored in Journalism at none other than Arizona State University. I thought to myself, "Huh. Journalism. ASU. Sounds pretty dope actually."

About a few weeks later, I had brought up the topic of switching my future major at Auburn to Journalism to my mom. She said to me, "You know what's funny? I actually had a dream last night about you doing journalism, but not at Auburn. But of all places at Arizona State University." Ok. Woah. Did that actually just happen? It's not like I've been thinking about that exact same thing for the past few weeks or anything…. And no. I'm not making this up.
The next week, my mom wanted to go see a new movie called La La Land. I had no idea what it was about except for that it had Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in it, so obviously I had no complaints.

Little did I know that movie would ultimately change my entire life.

I'm not sure if you've seen it or not, but if you haven't, it's basically a movie of two star crossed lovers who have to separate in order to achieve their dreams. I absolutely fell in love with the plot, and related to Emma Stone's character so much, I almost felt like it was myself. I really cannot pinpoint what in the movie made me feel this way, but seeing La La Land arose an awakening of my passions and dreams for performing again. I could not stop thinking about the movie and believed that God was telling me something through it. I needed to go out West and pursue what I was made to do. I know this sounds super crazy and dramatic that a sole movie could convince me to pack up my bags and move 1800 miles across country to go to school and later follow my passions, but it really and truly did. Everything that I had been shutting out for the past seven years immediately flooded back into my heart and soul. So I went. I took the leap and went to Arizona State. And while there were already signs that I was meant to come here, the one that caught me by surprise the most is when I moved into the dorms and discovered that the little theatre located right beside my building was the. exact. theatre. that. Emma. Stone. got. discovered. If that doesn't make you believe in magic, I don't know what does.

So here I am now, a little over a year after.

I've survived my freshman classes, including the tiresome and challenging journalism classes. I've survived living in a small little box for an entire year. I've conquered not having to deal with the dreaded 'Freshman 15' that we were all truly scared of. I've learned a lot about myself along the way, like that I'm an extreme procrastinator, a little messy, and a little too outgoing and spontaneous sometimes. But I've also learned that when I'm passionate about something, I'm going to dive into it with my entire heart. And what I'm passionate about is performing. There were many times throughout the year where I just wanted to drop out and go straight to L.A to start auditioning for things. I felt like I was wasting time here doing math problems and learning about the same things I was taught in high school. I could be out there in the world living my dream man !!!!!! But of course, my parents were not about this idea. So I then taught myself how to adapt to things I could not control. If I couldn't go and perform in L.A., I might as well try it here. So, I did a thing. I started a YouTube. And while it was scary at first, I learned that entertaining and being in the camera is!! truly!! what I'm meant for!! If you would've told me in high school that I would have a YouTube in college, I would've laughed because I was so worried about what others would think about me. I've changed so much since my younger self, and I wish I could go back in time and tell that girl to embrace who she truly is.

Predicting your future self is hard to do. In fact, it's quite nearly impossible. We can only imagine ourselves to be what we WANT us to be. But that doesn't happen very often with people. However, I'm going to try my best. I really hope that the next time that I read this, I'm 30 years old and doing everything that I have mentioned above. I pray and hope that future Caroline takes the things she's writing in the present to heart and not just say them but DO them. I hope she is proactive in her dreams and aspirations. I have a feeling she will be. I hope she remembers little 10-year-old Caroline and what she's been desperately wanting for her whole entire life. But, most importantly, I hope she realizes that she (or me) (or we) cannot do this thing alone. We need to remember to trust in the One who's been there for us since the start. Morgan Harper Nichols has a quote that says,

"Everything that is supposed to happen will happen.
Everywhere you are supposed to be, you will be.
All by grace, He will give you what you need."

I hope she remembers that and takes it with her wherever she goes.
And I hope she continues to dream and strive for the very best.
Because she's a dreamer.
I am a dreamer.
We've always been dreamers.

And I will spend the rest of my life dreaming and chasing to see them in reality.

"Here's to the ones who dream.
Foolish as they may seem.
Here's to the hearts that ache,
Here's to the mess we make"
---- La La Land