Dear Leyla,
As I write this you lay sound asleep in your crib. As you grow, you'll learn new things everyday. You'll hit milestones as a baby, but begin to learn about the world as a toddler. You'll grow to have feelings of your own, opinions, and so much more. You will find love, loss, but most importantly yourself. You will go through the best times, but also the worst. This is all the way of life, and struggling a bit is just a part of finding yourself.
As you grow up, it will be your own choice on how you see the world. I will always be there to give you guidance, but I will never pressure you to see it through my eyes. You are given that choice when you are born, you're own freedom to express who you are and your thoughts. There will be many people who disagree with your opinions, but you should never allow them to change your views. You decide what you believe in.
You will make many mistakes. You may make the wrong choices, and you'll feel bad afterwards. Your mistakes do not define you, so never let them. Everyone makes mistakes, it's one of the many things in life. People may judge you, try to put you down for them, let them do it. You are allowed to stand up for yourself, if that is what you want. Although, don't let others bring you down. Everyone makes bad choices, why let someone else bring you down when they do the same? Your mistakes in life will teach you so much, even if you don't believe that at the time. Power through your personal struggles and hard times, I promise in the end you will be okay.
Relationships start at the beginning of your life. You have your relationship with me, family, and you'll make friends along the way. You may keep friendships for years, you may have short-term friendships as well. You will also have romantic relationships in your life as well, and you'll have to face heartbreak. No matter what relationship that you find yourself in at the time, I will always be there to help you. Over the years, I've learned some valuable lessons, and learned a few things about toxic relationships. Some of these are hard for other people, sometimes you need to be patient. Although, you can't wait around and sacrifice losing yourself over people who don't try to do these things. You shouldn't ask people to change for you, and don't expect them to. If you bring up something that bothers you, they shouldn't need to change for your sake but for themselves. You're going to grow as a person, and there will be growing as well. You may just need to grow separately and that is always okay. Don't force someone to grow at your own rate of growth.
There will need to be boundaries. Boundaries are always needed in a healthy relationship, even between family. There may be things you don't want to talk about, with anyone. There may be a situation you don't want to find yourself in with someone. As you begin to realize your own boundaries, you'll have them set in your mind. Without setting boundaries in your relationships, anything can be put on the table. People may bring up things you don't want to be brought up, or even put you in uncomfortable situations. You will need to suck it up, and communicate with others about what your boundaries are. This can be hard to do, but no one will know them until you tell them. You can't expect people to take a look in your eyes, and know exactly what you don't want.
Communication can be tough, but it's also very valuable in relationships. You can always call, or text someone but that's not actually communicating. Within in relationship, you'll need to express yourself. You'll have to talk about what's making you happy, what's making you upset, everything. Maybe you won't tell that to someone you're not close with, but if you want to be close with someone you'll have to. Without communication, no one can fully understand your life. If you're going through a hard time, you shouldn't bottle it up. Whether you go to a friend, your family, a significant other, or maybe even a therapist. Talking about things with others is very helpful, and they will appreciate that you came to them about something. Expressing yourself to others is a great way to create a bond, and also builds trust within your relationship with others.
Trusting someone in your life can be difficult at times. Without trust in a relationship, it's not built to last that long. You'll find yourself doubting the other person, and even doubting your relationship with each other. They may have done something that upset you, or maybe they just come across to you in a wrong way. It's okay to feel this way, but being able to talk about these things is also where communication comes in. If someone does something to you that isn't right, they need to know. Trust doesn't come easily, but it can be easily broken.
If you find yourself second-guessing someone, or your relationship with them, that's perfectly fine. You're allowed to feel the way that you do. If you have a relationship with someone that isn't benefiting you anymore, it's okay to let it go. Letting someone go can be hard, but sometimes its necessary for your personal growth. You should never let anyone, or anything hold you back. If someone isn't respecting you, don't beat yourself up over needing them out of your life.
All of this applies to the relationships you'll find yourself in. There may come pain in ending some of your relationships, and there may not. Toxic and abusive relationships are hard to be in, but sometimes they're even harder to leave. If you find yourself questioning if someone is toxic for you, go to someone. You may be scared, and worried, but I promise getting insight and even just talking will help you out in the long run. Whether you find yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship, or an abusive; please tell someone. You can go to anyone you're comfortable telling, even myself. I will not judge you, I will not pressure you into any decision. Anyone who cares for you, will not do anything to make you feel bad about what you're doing. They will support you, your feelings, and the decisions you make.
You will fall in love. You will also have times where you think you're in love, and later look back and realize it was simply infatuation. You'll meet many people through your life, and you'll develop feelings along the way for some of them. You may fall in love, and that's that. You're with them for the rest of your life. However, you may fall many times. You may get your heartbroken, or break hearts. Falling in love is beautiful, but it can also bring pain you never imagined. Through all of this, you'll have support. Your friends, family, and especially myself. All of us will want the best for you, so there may be people who don't always support your relationship, but always are looking for your best interest. It's okay to be upset with someone because of that, but don't take it too much to heart. You may lose friends due to a relationship, and that's okay. It's going to hurt, maybe even bring you anger towards that person. They may not like who you are with, but even so, someone will support you either way if they're truly there for you. You may rekindle old friendships that have died, and it can be great. Although, always keep in mind why someone left your life and be careful.
As you grow up, you will learn many things about yourself and the world. You will discover new things everyday, just like you are now as a baby. You will fall in love with things in the world, and even people in your life. You will find yourself in pain, but you are strong enough to get through whatever is causing that pain. As you grow, you'll grow as a person. One day, you will discover yourself. Your ambitions, what drives you, and what you truly want in your life in the future. You'll learn things that you love, and that you hate. Your life is yours to live, do everything for yourself. Don't let anyone come in the way of your dreams, but don't set aside people who are trying to help you achieve them as well. Love with everything in your body, appreciate the people you'll find in your life. Embrace your struggles, find the best in them. Never lose yourself.
Always and forever, Love,
Your Mom.
