Hi Readers, I debated on sharing this article for several weeks. However, I felt if this came across someone who needs to read it- I would be doing more harm not sharing it. It may help another female that needs it.
A letter to her. This is my story.
As shown above, this is a picture of myself as a baby. I often reverted back to photos of myself in my younger days to help carry me through an immensely dark time. I felt if I kept looking at these pictures, my mind would eventually understand that she deserved better. That I deserved better.
Often times females find themselves in abusive relationships. Whether that is physical, mental or verbal. I was unfortunately a victim of this abuse. I found myself questioning my own identity, lowering my standards all around and almost made peace with this is what I deserved.
Many nights and days I would look back on old photos of myself and try to convince my brain that I deserved better.
I would look at her. I would look at her, who is now me. I kept questioning myself and asking, "How could I do this to her, how could I let her be treated this way when she grew up?" I almost felt guilt. Guilt in a way for allowing myself to be available to this abuse. Guilt that I let her hear all of the terrible things that she never was. Guilt that I succumbed to a person I did not even know anymore. Guilt that I saw a happy, smiling baby, and let her experience horrible things. How could I continue to let this happen to her?
When you are a victim of abuse, you tend to not perceive things outside of your own mind. Tunnel vision in a way develops, that you are unable to view other points and perspectives, because you are focused on one thing: love.
Victims of abuse are unable to think clearly, see anything without rose colored glasses on, and forget about what they truly deserve.
I used to judge other females who stayed in relationships like these. I would ask, "How could they let themselves be treated this way, why would they stay?" And then I was in it. And all of the judgement faded.
I was isolating from my friends, family and co-workers. I would find myself looking in the mirror and not knowing who I even was anymore. Feeling numb was almost an everyday emotion.
Love is not abuse.
Love is not disrespect.
Love is not name calling.
Love is not depression.
Love is not endless tears.
Love is not mean.
Love is not screaming.
Love is not burn out.
Love is not infidelity.
I wish I could tell every female who is currently suffering from an abusive relationship, or dealing with the aftermath of it: that this is not what you deserve. This is not what you need to settle on. This is not what you should feel comfortable with, just because it feels normal. Never let any other person in this world make you feel less or inferior. You are more than enough and always will be.
Look back on who you are, look at the photos of you in younger days. Do not continue to let her be treated this way. Do not continue to let yourself be treated this way. You are beautiful, smart, kind and intelligent. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. Do not waste one more moment being subjected to any of this.
I had the power to walk away. I had the power to see it from another perspective. I had the power to not let go of myself any longer. I had the power to know this is not what I deserved. I had the power because of her.
To her, to me, to you.
I am healed because of her.
My mom told me to "keep driving", and I never looked back. Keep looking forward.
Love Always,
Mel.
