Dear God,

I need your help. I feel like right now, I need your guidance to help through these battles. I am struggling to find the balance between what you deem as right and how society expects me to react. Lord, you say not to take revenge, to leave room for your wrath, since it is yours to avenge. You promise to repay the wrongdoings. The only problem I find is, is the acts unfolding before me justice being served by you or us? I have known since the day that my father was murdered, that you would hold the judgment of his killers in your hands. I do not think I really grasped what that judgment would look like, but now that we have a date for that justice to be served, I feel conflicted. Do I support the death of man, or do I turn away?

I ask you God, what is your justice? You tell us humans that refrain from taking the revenge into our own hands, but you also use us to play out your will. So is this punishment ordained by you or the wickedness of man? The longer I think about how to accept this truth, it makes me question good and evil. I pray that you give me wisdom and strength to find how to cope with these acts. I pray for peace among my family, peace for their family, and peace for that man. All I ever wanted since the day he took my dad's life, was for him to write his wrongs with you. You hold his life in your hands.

I can wish for the worst revenge possible for this man, God, but no matter what that wrath entails, my dad will still be gone. I know that any Earthly justice that takes place over this man, will never match the judgment you have in store for him.

I know that this date coming is baring its weight on my family. They have been sitting ducks, waiting to feel a sense of closure for 16 years. That is 16 years without their husband and brother. I pray you provide them a warmth and comfort as the day draws closer. You have the power to remove ones burden and I can only imagine the weight they are carrying.

At the end of the day, I know the longer I dwell on how to feel, it will only lead to more confusion, pain, and heartache. All I can do is sit here and talk to you, hoping that you will give me a sign in the right direction. Justice is a tricky topic to consider in the first place, but I trust that whatever you have in store will be enough. I just hope will help give us all peace and closure.

I will be in touch,

Caroline