Dear Clark,
Recently, I've found that writing has become a great stress reliever for me, and it allows me to organize all of my thoughts. I thought it would be interesting to write a "letter" to you for when I graduate. Why? You and I have written an intricate story that has found some peculiar beauty to the mess it created. We met a little over a year ago, and I would have never guessed that I would become so close to you. As you already know, this relationship that we have goes through many phases, and we are about to enter a difficult one: graduation. I know it's hard enough as it is not seeing each other often, but this fall I won't be living in the same city as you which is a little scary. However, the same rule always applies for us: no running, only towards each other. I absolutely cannot wait to see the amazing things you'll do for the rest of your high school career, and you sure as hell better tell me all about them. You've been alongside me for mine, and I wanna be there for yours.
A topic that always seems to be the elephant in the room is us. What about us? What will happen to the idea of us? My feelings for you will always be there, and you will forever be the one that got away. I know that you have found happiness elsewhere, but one day, if the stars and planets align, there may be a chance for us. We can't change the decisions we made in the past, but there's a big future to be written and perhaps we'll write our own someday. Until then, I am seeking my happiness and focusing on bettering my mental health. We both have a mutual caring for each other, and we only want what makes us happy. I am a text or call away, always. And yes, I still have your phone number memorized for just in case. We can't say how the days will unfold or change what the future may hold.
Something we never talked about that I've always been curious to discuss is the answer to this question: did I ever love you? Here is my answer, truthfully. No. I care about you deeply, and it has been exhausting thinking about this whole situation, but I can't say those three, little words just yet. I think they hold a powerful meaning, and until you're all mine, I'm not ready to deliver such a message to you. The one issue we had with each other was consistency. One day, we'd be happy and on top of the world, and the next day we can't decide what we want. And if you do become mine, all mine, then I will give you the world in those three words.
Where does this friendship stand? Is this the end? I can't answer either of those questions because it's not completely up to me, and I can't see into the future. I don't want to lose you or what we have, and I would be thrilled to see this friendship continue to build. We have invested too much time and conversation to throw it all away. I feel like we know the deepest parts about each other and the little things that make us happy. I want to see you in the summer when I'm home, and I want to come back and watch you perform in the stands and on the field during the fall. We're not running, remember? However, we should allow each other to grow to see what the world has to offer. We'll take it one day at a time and take it all in.
My advice to you for when I'm gone is to do what makes you happy, love yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Take all of the solos in jazz band and make sure the freshmen know their place in marching band. You have changed my life more than you'll ever know, and I mean that in the best way. You have so much potential if you apply yourself and push harder to reach impossible limits. Remember that I absolutely adore you, and I will always be yours. I hope to see you do well, and I wish you nothing but happiness and success.
You are something else, Clark Givens.
All the love,
Katie
