This is a collection of poems that I have written over the past year. These are things that I have felt, but could never verbally explain. This is my voice.
Outstanding Artistry
i was once a blank canvas, destined to become a masterpiece. Somehow along the way, those intense lines were erased, but still vivid. Replaced with vibrant inks recklessly thrown across the canvas. but you no longer appreciated the striking colors of the storm you brought. So you ripped the canvas off the easel and tossed it to the side. Left a beautifully broken mess...I watched as you collect yourself and a newfangled canvas and forge the "new" into what i couldn't be. but I am a masterpiece just not yours..
E n o u g h
the sad truth is that sometimes love just isn't enough. it isn't enough to make someone stay. enough to make someone change. enough to make things work...or for things to get better. it just isn't enough. it wasn't enough to make you see what you did. it wasn't enough to convince you to change. but it was enough to make me leave. i love you so much and for a while that was enough to make me stay, but eventually I had to give myself that same amount of love. my love for you wasn't enough but my love for me will always be enough
do you remember?
do you remember the nights? nights where i was so silent, you could practically hear my thoughts, or were you solely focused on your blood boiling and the careless words that ran out of your mouth? do you remember the nights I stormed out the house with tears streaming down my face and you screaming "get your a** back here" or do you only remember the ways you made it up to me in hopes that I would forget the blaze in your eyes and the violent words thrown at me? did you see the forever pool of tears in my eyes and the way I trembled when you looked at me? did you notice my fear or my shallow breath? do you remember the days you swore you wouldn't do it again and your never ending lazy river of I'm sorry's? do you remember the hell I walked through to be with you? the times I begged you to let me go, only for you to promise me that things were gonna be better... do you remember the promise you made? to love and protect me...did you ever realize that it was you I needed protection from?
the rain stopped
I remember "that day" like it was yesterday. my mind was frazzled and clouded. thoughts were raining incessantly, no time to comprehend. this went on for days, weeks, months eventually I accepted this as my new normal. Until one day it all stopped. I'm sure it didn't happen the way that it felt. I'm sure over time the pressure that built up was slowly released, but there was so much I didn't even notice until it was gone. I chose me, that's the end of that story. But for me it was only the beginning
storm or silence?
You were a blazing tornado tearing through my chest and on your way to my heart. My heart took shelter yet you came plowing through anyways. Days after the tornado came sunshine with high winds and then cloudy skies without rain. My poor heart could not take the unpredictable weather, so she packed her veins and arteries and left. She's been gone for a while now and I don't know when she will be back. But once she comes back the weather will no longer unpredictable weather. Just a content heart.
d r o w n i n g
His scornful tongue has torched your heart for the hundredth time, yet you remain in silence. You don't say anything as he leaves you alone with your mind numbing screams. He comes back...fire diminished...eyes softened...but no eye contact. You hold back tears, but blinking isn't holding back the dam. Soon the flood of tears fall from your eyes and he just watches you drown. He holds your heart and life jacket as he watches you drown in your own despair and tears. d r o w n i n g day 693...
until then
when we first met, i never knew that your hello would lead to me saying see you later. we've been at this for a while now, nothing has changed but little by little things have gotten better. they say the good outweighs the bad, though honestly I think they're mad. We're going round and round in circles. So the only way to actually get through this isn't to say see you later..but like reading a book this chapter has to end in order to start another. maybe it's no longer see you later but farewell
Comfort in destruction
It's 2 am and you're laying there. The AC is blowing but all you can hear is the rapid beating of your heart. You can barely feel the tears as they stream down your cheeks because you've become numb to it all. This is a nightly routine. You slowly roll over as you sink into the comfort of your own self destruction.
s o m e d a y
Someday I will be happy, but until then I will wrap myself in the blanket of numbness, lay my head of the pillow of pain, and drown myself in the sorrows that I cannot change
Plucked
I was a beautiful bulb waiting to blossom. Just when I began to flower, you came and picked me. Oh, why did you pick me? You see flowers are meant to blossom and bloom. To be watered and grown. But you plucked me from the ground and gave me a newfound home. You sheltered me and stuck me in a vase, yet expected me to continue to grow. "When you like a flower, you pluck it. But when you love a flower you water it daily". You plucked me, stumped my growth, and slowly allowed me to die.
