Turning 23 in Quarantine | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
News

Turning 23 in Quarantine

Learning to find a small sense of normalcy in a birthday celebration in the midst of a global pandemic.

42
Turning 23 in Quarantine
Image by profivideos from Pixabay

I always had this feeling that twenty-three would be a strange age for me; an in-between age full of uncertainty and fear of my slowly-approaching thirties. I had no idea that it would be coupled with the fear and anxiety that is a global pandemic.

I woke on my birthday to my boyfriend wishing me a happy birthday, and groggily prepared for the day. I'd been patiently waiting a few days to open gifts I'd received from my family and friends three hours away, and decided to start the day with a bang.

My mom texted me with very detailed instructions on how to open the box, and insistence that my boyfriend needed to film the whole thing so she felt like she was there with me.

The box felt like a slice of home, complete with a piece of bread with a chunk torn out of it, three peanuts, change floating around, and a dog bone for the dog I didn't have (gag gifts that I've come to expect from my uncle and mom collaborating). My sister read my mind and sewed reusable paper towels, complete with adorable stitching, and my mom sewed cloth napkins with a beautiful maroon geometric print.

My grandpa contributed Kit Kats and ones, which he always thought I needed, in case I was starving and needed to grab something from a vending machine. My grandma sent a flash drive with old family pictures on it that I'd asked her to look for. The day was starting to feel normal.

At two o'clock, I joined the "Crushing Life and Taking Names" video chat group that my best friends and I used every week. We updated each other about our quarantine lives, discussing job interviews, grad school, life on the front lines, and fears about re-opening. My friend on the front lines, working at a hospital, was excited to share that her sister's doctor gave her the all-clear for her to go visit her baby niece for the first time ever.

Shortly after that, my best friend's mom, a.k.a. Mamason, called to say happy birthday and chat about life updates, while on the way back from picking up her daughter's belongings from her college dorm. I felt good to reconnect with her and hear a bit about what life was like on the home front.

Around four-thirty, my sister called me from her laptop for a family video call at my grandparents' house. Rogue and Molly, the family pups, were trotting around the living room, while my mom tried to connect to our call on her laptop, so she could call from the backyard deck.

I heard my grandpa talking in his outside-voice, no doubt with his hearing aids turned off, before he walked into frame in the living room. We were just about to start a family game of Mad Libs before he interrupted. I truly felt like I was there. He stared with his mouth wide open at the screen; this was his first experience ever with video chatting.

After we completed the custom-made Mad Libs that my mom wrote, we parted ways, and thanked each other for the time together.

After a busy afternoon of birthday calls and present opening, reality began to sink back in. I'd discussed with my therapist the week before about how it felt devastating to be starting back at square one again. In January, I'd moved from my home town to my college town to live with my boyfriend, and, after acquiring two jobs, had finally felt like I'd begun to get in a sort of groove. Now, with one of my jobs permanently terminated, I was back to job searching, and having to start from scratch.

It wasn't just in terms of job searching that I was starting from scratch. I'd made a decision recently that the career I'd gone to college to pursue and gotten my degree in wasn't for me. So here I was, a recent college graduate with student loans hanging over my head, receiving absolutely no government aid during the pandemic, considering going back to school. Was I crazy? Yes. Did it feel better than following a path that didn't feel right? Yes.

After a night of Italian food, video games and drinking with my boyfriend and roommates, the weight of uncertainty over my head started to feel really heavy. Starting from scratch was overwhelming. Not to mention that the performance contract back home that I was supposed to be performing in during the month of June was postponed, meaning that even if was able to get a job, I'd have to put in my two weeks eventually and leave the city for a month.

I had trouble sleeping that night. I hugged my boyfriend and our cat tight, as I waited for the next day to show its face.

Before I went to bed, I saw a post on Instagram by Carissa Potter Carlson's account @peopleiveloved that encapsulated all of the feelings I felt on my birthday in quarantine:

Carissa Potter Carlson @peopleiveloved

Despite all of the overwhelming positivity that my family and friends had showered my with that day, I'd still felt like something was off. I felt guilty for feeling upset. I felt angry that I couldn't just suck up my fears and be happy.

Seeing this post made me feel like I wasn't crazy, that what I was feeling was valid in some way, that I wasn't an inherently negative person for allowing the fear surrounding the pandemic to creep into my celebration.

My birthday twin from college messaged me after I shared Carissa Potter Carlson's post on my story and said, "Thank you. I needed to see this. Especially after the birthday celebrations are over is when it all hit's ya."

I'd already drilled similar thoughts into my head about trusting that "things would be okay," but seeing this list outlined by someone else, and reading the comments of hundreds of people feeling the same thing, made me feel a part of a strange little community.

My other birthday twin from high school celebrated her birthday in quarantine with twenty-one cards mailed from her friends, and a scavenger hunt to find them. Another one of my friends celebrated with a scavenger hunt around town and a home-cooked meal.

Whatever your birthday in quarantine may look like, know that it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Allow yourself time to process the thoughts you have during this crazy and unpredictable time. I'll be processing right along with you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
nothing on to-do list

Winter break is a cherished time for many after enduring a grueling fall semester. It’s a time of relaxation and time spent with loved ones over the holidays. However, once the new year rolls around, we’re all ready to go back to school. Here are thoughts every college student has during winter break.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

10 Facts All People In A Large Family Can Confirm During The Holiday Season

The holiday season can be the best and most stressful time of the year, especially when more people are involved.

3010
kids jumping

The holidays are full of lights, sweets, sweaters, and your favorite movies. There's nothing quite like this period from the beginning of December through January. Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years. The fun of it all.

I don't know about you but with my large Italian family something is always going on during this season. It can be the most wonderful time of the year while also being the most hectic. These are a few things you know if your family is anything like mine during this time.

Keep Reading...Show less
10 things that happen the second Thanksgiving is over
reference.com

To those who celebrate, you just spent an entire day cooking an elaborate meal with all of your favorite foods. You probably ate your body weight in pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes. What happens now? Oh yea, Christmas. It’s time to take out all of the decorations and Christmas themed things that have been sitting in the attic since last year; it’s time to make a reappearance. So, here are 10 things that happen the second Thanksgiving is over.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

18 Things I Want To Do Now That I'm 18

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

5533
Happy Birthday Cake

For the entirety of my high school career, I was always seen as the goody-two-shoes. I never got in trouble with a teacher, I kept stellar grades, and when I wasn't doing extracurricular activities, I was at home studying. Even when I did go out, it was usually with a bunch of fellow band geeks. The night would end before 11:00 PM and the only controversial activity would be a fight based on who unfairly won a round of Apples-to-Apples when someone else clearly had a better card (I promise I'm not still holding a grudge).

Now that I'm officially an adult, I want to pursue some new things. I want to experience life in a way that I never allowed myself to do prior to entering college. These are the years that I'm supposed to embark on a journey of self-discovery, so what better way to do that than to create a bucket list?

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics

The holiday classics that shaped my life

3469
10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics
Flickr

The holiday season is full of stress, debt, and forced conversation. While we rush through the month of December, it's important to take a step back and enjoy the moments before they're gone. Most families love to watch Christmas movies, but these beloved films provide more than entertainment. Here are 10 life lessons that I've learned from the holiday classics we watch every year.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments