Currently, we are in a nation-wide quarantine and not allowed to leave our homes. We are denied contact with any humans besides those we have already been stuck with for a month. Andrew Cuomo's voice is on a constant loop. The planes that I normally would hear over my house every day are silent. There is that moment of pure bliss when you wake up at 11 a.m. in your large, childhood bed. But then you realize why you are indeed in that cushy bed and not your cozy twin. The rest of the day that ensues is full of mundane emails, the occasional facetime, and just boredom. Personally, tomorrow marks a month for me and my peers since we were stripped of our fruitful, exciting and fun lives to return to our childhood bedrooms. Quarantine is, as I may say- the worst- and is only getting worse by the day. I am in no place to complain, but well, I am. My family and friends are healthy, I have two parents whom I enjoy the presence of, I have a beautiful home, my parent's jobs are secure, however, I want to complain. I want to cry, I want to scream. I am so mad. Ever since quarantine has started I have just felt this weight of sadness on my heart, this is coming from someone who is genuinely never sad, or at least lets herself get sad.

Next week is my birthday. One of my favorite days of the year, or well maybe not this year. For my entire life, my birthdays played a huge role in the year, that memory of that day often reflecting how I saw the year. One of my first and most vivid memories was the morning of my 4th birthday, and has shaped how I have viewed birthdays up until now. Now, I don't want to come off as someone who mirrors "My Super Sweet Sixteen", in fact, I didn't even have a big sixteenth birthday party. I view birthdays as the chance to celebrate the past year and your entire existence with those who you love the most. It is genuinely not about gifts or decorations or a party, or anything material. I think that to have a good birthday you need some good food, maybe a couple of balloons, definitely gummy bears, but most importantly, your favorite people. This year, for millions of people that day is going to look a lot different.

My heart sincerely goes to those who have had to cancel weddings, large events and especially to those celebrating the birth of their children. To have the most special days in your life shadowed by such a sad and terrible situation is truly awful. I am also lucky that this is only my nineteenth, which in my opinion is such an odd age, and not my twenty-first or sixteenth. However, I have no idea how I am supposed to handle this birthday. Am I allowed to be happy and joyful when thousands of people are dying? How are we supposed to do this? All year, I was planning on being with my amazing friends at college, who I love so so much. They're amazing and will make this day great for me remotely, and I know that and am so incredibly grateful for them. But I should be celebrating it with them. I haven't even thought of what present I want and can't even think of one because of all of this going on. And believe me, for someone who fake online shops as much as I do, that should be no problem. I should be celebrating with my older sister, my best friend, who is currently quarantined in Philadelphia and can't come home. I have never not seen my grandparents on my birthday, but this year I won't. More importantly, my grandfather's 90th birthday is the week after mine, and our large family party will be canceled. He was so excited to turn 90.

So, if your birthday is in quarantine, my heart goes out to you. Since this is the first major global pandemic (and hopefully the last), there are no rules. Everyone's day will look different and that's ok. My birthday will probably be spent in my pajamas, with my family, watching some movies, maybe some TikTok and definitely some gummy bears- definitely. So be happy, send your friends texts with the balloons effect on messages (actually, this happens whether you like it or not ), but don't blow out your candles- germs.