Almost anybody whose parents weren’t born in America will tell you that combining their two cultures is hard. And that’s understandable: to blend into one culture, you have to forget the other. In my case, it always feels like I’m too Indian to fully fit into American culture, but yet, I’m still too Americanized to completely immerse myself into Indian culture. When I was in elementary school, I distinctly remember someone asking me what my favorite song was. Suddenly, I realized I only knew Bollywood music and one album by The Who. My favorite song was in a language I didn’t even understand, and I was at a complete loss. In that moment, I realized the importance of belonging to two cultures; I hadn't quite figured out yet how to reconcile both sides of myself. If you can relate, you’ve probably experienced a majority of what I’m about to tell you.
1. When someone asks, “So, where are you from? No, where are you really from?”
Almost every time I get this question, people are trying to find out if I am from India. If I tell them anything else, they look at me incredulously, as if I couldn’t have possibly been born in America.
2. “Do you speak Indian? What about Hindu?”
This is a personal favorite of mine, particularly because Indian is not an actual language. Neither is Hindu, which is a religion. For clarification, Hindi is the language you were probably trying to talk about. India has a plethora of spoken languages and dialects, and I can assure you, none of them are Indian or Hindu.
3. Not knowing if you’re speaking English or another language.
While I was in kindergarten, I remember telling a story to my friends, who immediately interrupted me to ask what I was talking about. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had slipped Telugu words into our conversation, not knowing that they were not English; I just assumed they were part of everyone’s vocabulary. Now, fifteen years later, I still make the same mistake; I'm not always sure what is English and what isn’t.
4. That moment of culture shock when you hear how your friends speak to their parents.
In most Desi families, respecting your elders is an important principle. That was instilled in me at an early age, and even now, looking at how someone from a different culture addresses their parents frightens me. I’m sure that if I talked to my parents the same way, I’d probably be running for my life (this might be a slight exaggeration).
5. Confusing everyone around you by referring to all of your family friends by “Aunty” or “Uncle.”
This is such a common practice that I’m the one that gets confused when people ask me how I’m related to every adult that I talk about.
6. That one Aunty who refuses to stop giving you more food, no matter what you say.
We’ve all been there. You’re just sitting at the dinner table, calmly trying to eat some biryani, while an Aunty relentlessly shovels more food onto your plate, saying, “Beta, you look so thin, you have to eat more food!”
7. Turning into that Aunty (but not the one that pinches your cheeks).
My friends at college constantly make fun of me, because I’m always making sure that everyone else takes more food no matter where we are, even if it’s those cookies that my mom sent me. It turns out that becoming part of your culture is inevitable.
8. Making fun of the Aunties who, without fail, do the dishes at everyone’s house they go to. Until that also becomes you.
At my best friend’s birthday party a couple years ago, we stood there chatting about how in normal Indian gatherings, there’s always that one person who insists on helping your mom with the dishes, and she adamantly refuses. We laughed at how absurd that was. Still, five minutes later I was upstairs, at her sink, washing dishes.
9. Having homemade remedies for everything.
Different cultures seem to have an answer for everything, whether it’s putting henna on your hair to change grey hairs into red ones, or using coconut oil for everything.
10. Not knowing which ethnicity bubble to fill in on standardized tests.
I secretly dread anything that requires you to put down your ethnicity, because being Indian (or Desi) immediately disqualifies you from all the standard categories of race. You’re not technically Asian, which means I always go through a slight identity crisis every time I circle that “other” bubble.
11.“Aren’t you related to –insert another brown person-?”
If you’re brown, you’re automatically related to every other brown person in the same vicinity. Though every time I go to India, it feels like this is true, it is most definitely not. I’m constantly asked if my best friend and I are sisters, despite our difference in skin color. We might share the same race, but not the same blood.
12. “Oh, because, you know, all of you look the same.”
There are over one billion people who currently live in India, and that’s not even including everyone of Indian descent scattered all around the world. Are you trying to tell me every single one of those people look exactly the same?
13. When someone says “curry” or “chai tea,” and getting irrationally angry.
To clarify, curry does not exist by itself. Curry essentially means that it’s a form of gravy, so there are things like chicken curry and mutton curry. Telling me that “curry” is your favorite food is like telling me you speak Indian: neither exist. However, chai does. “Chai” literally means “tea,” so every time you order “chai tea,” you’re essentially ordering “tea tea.”
14. “Why is all of your food spicy?”
I don’t really have an answer to this, other than us Indians like our spices. Why not use them?
15. “You’re not Hindu? You must be lying.”
This is not something many people experience, but I am a Christian and an Indian. I’m a minority within a minority, so when people ask me about my religion, they almost never believe my answer. Because of my skin color, I can’t simply be Christian; I have to be a religion that they only associate with India.
16. Going through that extra security at the airport.
I respect anybody who serves this country a tremendous amount, but when I’m the only one asked to take off certain articles of clothing while going through security, I can’t help but wish that so much wouldn’t hinge on racial profiling.
17. The struggle of trying to find makeup that matches your skin tone.
Look at any common makeup retailer near you and you’ll notice that most of the products are made for fair skin, and there is a significant decrease in the number of products suited for darker skin. For my particular skin tone, it becomes increasingly difficult to find shades that match my own, because there are not a lot of products marketed for the in-between tones; the makeup industry defines its products in black and white.
18. Those high expectations your parents put on you.
This is specific to anyone whose parents didn’t grow up in America. In India, the culture there is more cutthroat than we are used to in America, and understandably so. American education differs from the education in India, and so the mindset of the students in both countries also differs. This makes it harder for parents and children to see eye-to-eye.
19. Watching all of the Indian characters on TV shows play into stereotypes.
Even when I was young, it was quite frustrating to see the only representation of my people always fall into the same categories. The Indian characters in any show or movie were few and far between, and most of them were doctors or aspiring doctors, heavily accented, depicted as a “nerd”, or someone with a secret life who rebels against their parent’s wishes (who all, incidentally, happened to have a thick accent). Though times are changing, I still remember being in elementary school and people asking me if my life was anything like those people onscreen. Stereotypes can be detrimental.
20. Spending a solid three hours of your life watching a (slightly overdramatic) Bollywood movie.
They didn’t necessarily have to be melodramatic, but remember that scene where the characters spontaneously burst into song and then suddenly are running through a field of flowers, wearing white, pining over that guy, and then – they’re suddenly dancing in the rain? If you’ve watched any Bollywood movie, you probably know what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I love it.
