If you were anything like me as a 12-13 year old, then you probably had a Razr phone, thought the Jonas Brothers were the greatest band to ever exist, you owned an impressive amount of LipSmackers chapstick, you thought you were edgy because you had a Hot Topic rewards card, and you had a Twilight phase.

Now, as a 20-year-old, I don’t like to admit this. In fact, I used to deny this fact and I probably will continue to do so because let’s face it, it was an embarrassing time in my life. Luckily for me, my Twilight phase lasted maybe one year and that’s being generous, but I was still embarrassing for other reasons so that part didn't subside. I decided that I would revisit the series as an adult. I mean, adult is a loose term. By adult, I mean I live with roommates, go to class, and work, but I also still eat ramen noodles sometimes and I have commitment issues. Anyway, here 93 thoughts I had while rewatching this mess of a movie adaption:

1. God, Bella is so depressing from the first line in the movie when she starts talking about dying right off the bat.
2. Forks is actually really pretty.
3. Bella’s dad’s mustache is on point.
4. I actually understand more now why Kristen Stewart was cast in this role. Bella is just a garbage character and poor Kristen Stewart had to play her somehow.
5. Oh. My. Gosh. Was Jacob’s wig always this awful?
6. Why is Jacob’s dad wearing a cowboy hat in Washington? Also they’re Native Americans???? #Confused
7. “I’m down with the kids” actually me when I try to relate to high school kids.
8. Is the arrival of a new student really considered newspaper worthy? What kind of school is this?
9. This volleyball/P.E. scene should have a trigger warning. I’m getting some very vivid flashbacks that I would’ve preferred to stay repressed in my memory.
10. Anna Kendrick is so adorable and way too good for this movie.
11. “My home girl, Bella” Was this in the screenplay? That writer should've been fired.
12. Is Tyler, the van guy, in any of the other Twilight movies? What happened to him?
13. Emmett looks like such a d-bag in that all white tracksuit outfit though. Who made these decisions on wardrobe?
14. Okay, Jessica explaining the Cullens is giving me life.
15. “Dr. Cullen is a foster dad/matchmaker” hahahahaha true.
16. This first meeting scene is still weird. Not the meet-cute that girls dream about tbh.
17. “Butt-crack Santa” Not a visual image I wanted, but thanks, Bella.
18. Bella doesn’t know how to pour ketchup apparently. She tries to pour out of a squeeze bottle?
19. Emmett standing up in the back of this Jeep. Do the Cullens even try to fit in?
20. Also why don’t the Cullen’s carpool? Is it really necessary to bring like 3 cars to school every day? Their carbon footprint is probably astronomical.
21. I’m actually really enjoying watching this again. Even though, it’s much worse than I remember.
22. “Prom committee is a chick thing” Twilight perpetuating gender stereotypes since 2008.
23. This is how I know I will always remember mitosis. The one thing I learned in these 5 movies/4 books.
24. Bella looks paler than him in this movie tbh.
25. Bella’s hesitation, stuttering, and lip biting is already annoying and I am 20 minutes into this film.
26. Yeah, Edward, why don’t you and all of your beautiful siblings just stand in the parking lot and stare down the new girl?
27. Seriously, what happened to Tyler after this movie? Did Charlie put him in jail?
28. Was Carlisle always hot or was I just too distracted by everyone else to notice?
29. Charlie is the only funny person in this movie.
30. The most unrealistic part of this movie is that the ER visit took such a short amount of time.
31. Edward is such a brat. He’s my role model.
32. I don’t know what concerns me most that he watches her in her sleep or that she sleeps in the most uncomfortable sleeping positions possible.
33. The teacher just said “yo, yo, yo.” Who approved this? Who hired this teacher?
34. These idiot students attempting to drink the compost.
35. Adrenaline rush. Edward got jokes.
36. “Bella, we shouldn’t be friends” Are they really friends? I wouldn’t classify them as friends. They’re lab partners and slight acquaintances. I wouldn't call any of my lab partners my friends.
37. “I don’t just surf the Internet” Eric was born to be a dad with the jokes that he tells.
38. Taylor Lautner has the prettiest smile.
39. Eric is me when he frantically yells, “WHAT DATE?”
40. What happened to Jacob’s ugly friends with the terrible hair? They also aren't in the subsequent movies.
41. This guy’s leisurely singing is atrocious. Victoria, James, and Laurent honestly did Forks a favor.
42. Why is James always shirtless?
43. Why didn’t Bella order these Quileute books on Amazon?
44. I’m confused about the weather in this scene. Jessica is a tank top, but Bella is in a long-sleeve thermal. Continuity?
45. Have these girls never heard of the buddy system?
46. Why doesn’t Edward drive a cooler car than a Volvo?
47. I wonder if Volvo sales went up because of these movies.
48. Jessica and Angela are terrible friends, but their reaction to Edward is so relatable.
49. This waitress is so gross. What the hell is on her head?
50. Edward should really be more smooth to have had 100 years to learn to not be so awkward.
51. There are so many weirdos in this restaurant.
52. If a guy told me that he didn’t have the strength to stay away from me anymore, I would run away crying.
53. Carlisle: "I just examined the body" Bella: "He died!?" Me: No, he just examined the body at the police station for fun.
54. I will say that I’m not mad about the soundtrack to this movie. It’s not nearly as bad as it could have been.
55. I mean, let’s be real, Bella is not that smart so how is she like the first person in Forks to figure this out?
56. I like how she is completely unfazed by jumping on his back and him running like a million miles per hour up this mountain.
57. This acting. I rarely can’t find the words to express myself, but the acting in this has rendered me speechless and not in a good way.
58. “Masochistic.” Twilight teaching audiences everywhere big words since 2008.
59. Just watching them laying in this grass is making me itchy. I get it’s supposed to be romantic, but all I can think about is my grass allergy.
60. “Irrevocably.” Twilight back at it again with the big words.
61. SHE IS IN LOVE WITH HIM AFTER LIKE WHAT MAYBE 2 WEEKS TOP????
62. Edward looking very hot in these Ray Bans. I’m here for it.
63. The Vampire Diaries is so much better than this.
64. “Can you act human? I have neighbors” me: *snaps aggressively in agreement*
65. This slow-mo stare down between Jacob’s dad and Edward is hilarious.
66. Dungeons, coffins, and moats. Hahahaha. Edward got jokes again.
67. “Does she even eat Italian food?” “Her name’s Bella” Iconic.
68. EMMETT WAVING THE KNIFE. I love him.
69. The glass house is beautiful and all, but wouldn't the Cullens be worried about hiding their secret from all the nosey people in Forks who are already suspicious of them???
70. It’s weird that Bella and Edward have never kissed and she’s meeting his parents??? This parental meeting seems a little premature.
71. PSA: Edward calls her spider monkey and I'm dead.
72. Mike Newton invented twerking.
73. “He’s a good buddy” Ouch. Mike has arrived in the friend zone officially.
74. Charlie calling boys in town “yahoos.” Classic Dad move.
75. I understand why teenagers loved this movie. Every scene = teen angst.
76. Charlie and the gun is the most accurate description of a father meeting his daughter’s boyfriend.
77. “I’m the one with the wicked curveball” Okay, Victoria, thank you for that completely unnecessary comment.
78. Bella has a poster of a horse on her wall in her room. Just thought I would point out how odd that is.
79. “I thought you liked him” Charlie is me.
80. Could they have just made Bella like funny or really smart or any interesting characteristic at all besides being whiny and ungrateful and indecisive and boring and I can go on, but I think you get the picture.
81. Bella should've kept doing ballet because maybe she wouldn't be so clumsy if she had learned balance.
82. Oh, I didn't like those bones cracking. No, thank you. This is so much more violent than I remember.
83. This vampire transformation is kind of funny though.
84. Her face when he’s sucking her blood clean hahahahahaha
85. What is Robert Pattinson even singing in this song? Are these words or just sounds?
86. These cell phones are so old. It’s amazing.
87. Were the leggings under her knee length dress necessary?
88. Jacob’s wig is still just as funny as it was earlier if not funnier.
89. “My dad paid me to come talk to you” What every girl wants to hear.
90. This song at the Prom is making my ears bleed. The song however when they’re slow-dancing is amazing and shouldn't be in this movie.
91. “Every second I get closer to dying” Emo, much?
92. I like how she thinks he’s going to change her just like out in public at the Prom.
93. Still wondering all these years later how they didn't smell Victoria at Prom or how Edward didn’t hear her thoughts or also how Alice didn’t see it coming? But dang Victoria look good. Werk.

Well, the deed is done. And I’ll be honest, I didn’t hate it. Was it silly, ridiculous, cheesy, and full of errors? Yes. Was I entertained for almost 2 hours? Yes. No regrets.