We all make mistakes as teenagers. It is just part of the journey that we must go through to become adults. Some of these mistakes are harmless, like taking the car out past curfew to get Taco Bell. Others are not so harmless or easily forgotten, like allowing yourself to be manipulated and abused by someone you think that you love. Some of these mistakes can change the entire course of your life, and essentially change you as a person. You cant take these things back, this is one of the harsh realities of life, but we can learn from them and move forward with a better understanding of what to do next time we are faced with a similar situation.
Now that I am older and wiser (at least I like to believe that I am), I can look back at my younger self and see how insecure and foolish she was. But even now that I know what I know, I can't be angry at my younger self. I can only look back and think of how much that girl has grown and changed for the better. We cant go backwards, but it doesn't hurt to wish that we could sometimes. I have a few things that I want to say to 16 year old me, even though its too late for that girl. But it might not be too late for my younger sister, or her friends. So here it is. The 9 Things I would tell my younger self, if I could go back in time.
Be Picky.
This statement is so broad that it could literally cover every aspect there is, about dating. Not every man you ever care about will try to control you with threats, shame, fear, or violence. Please give yourself time to realize this before giving your heart to the first person who acts like they “might” want it. Don’t be afraid to meet new people. There are so many people in this big world, it is incredibly unlikely that the first boy you like, will be the last. Let yourself learn what you want and need. Learn what is important to you, and make sure that whoever you end up with has the same priorities.Do not settle for someone that doesn't share your interests, or basic goals. Just because the cute boy in your class, is telling you he loves you, doesn't mean that he is the only boy out there for you. Take your time and be picky.
Learn to love yourself.
This is a big one. Take time to learn who you are and what matters to you. Get to know yourself, inside and out. When you really appreciate who you are and what you deserve, you won’t be able to settle for someone who does not see these things. You aren’t perfect, everyone has flaws. But they also have strengths, and quirks, and beautiful attributes. Appreciate yourself for exactly who you are, flaws included. It is impossible for you to open yourself up to love, if you don’t love yourself first.
Focus on school and yourself first.
Don’t get distracted by the cute boy and the best friends. Buckle down and get school out of the way as quickly as you can, because it doesn’t get much easier as time goes on. Please don’t choose a boy over taking classes. Any man who gets angry at you for trying to better yourself, isn’t a man that you need in your life. School is so important and necessary to get ahead in this life. Focus on your strengths, and let that guide you into the career path that will bring you the most happiness.Change your major 12 times if you have to, and try that Abstract Art class that doesn't offer any benefits other than it looks fun. Just keep going, and get it done.
Take care of your health.
I know that it’s tempting to lay around and eat Funyuns all evening instead of making yourself an actual meal, but please don’t do this. Take care of your body while you can, because you will regret it later in life. Take steps to better yourself while you can, it isn’t that easy when you have a baby or a full time job, or a house to manage on top of classes.Get your checkups, go for walks, get fresh air, and eat a salad every now and then. You only get one body, so please take care of it.
Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks of you.
Friends will come and go, this I can promise you. People that you love and can’t imagine not having in your life, will leave. Please do not put all of your time and energy into pleasing and impressing these people. Be yourself, unapologetically. If you are honest and open about who you truly are, you will find yourself surrounded by people who share your goals, and sense of humor, and who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. These friends are permanent.
Do not wear your heart on your sleeve.
Take every comment and insult with a grain of salt. Guard your heart and your emotions, because people will take advantage of them. Do not allow someone to make you feel “less than” or “not good enough” because these are absolute lies. You are good enough. You are strong, and capable, and worthy of love and respect. Please do not allow people to walk all over you just because you love them. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily make them a good person. Trust a little less, and guard yourself a little more.
Spend time with your family.
Please do this, because unfortunately, the people who you expect to be around forever, won’t be. No one is guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth, and life can change in the blink of an eye. You will realize how true this is, far too early. Your heart will break and you will want to curl up and die, but don’t let yourself do it. Focus on the memories, and take lots of pictures. Insist on family pictures, and that includes you. Don’t let petty arguments or busy schedules keep you from seeing each other. They won’t be here for long, and it’s incredibly important that you spend the most time with them that you can. Ask your grandmother questions, learn who she was before you were born. Tell your brother that you love him, every damn day. They won’t be here forever. They won’t be here for long at all.
Allow yourself to have fun.
I know that life is overwhelming sometimes and you don’t know what to focus on first. When you are weighed down by work, and classes, and bills, and lack of sleep, I want you to take a break. Just when you think you will never be able to get everything figured out, take a step back, and go see a movie. Read your favorite book again. Spend a day exploring your city. Go to lunch with an old friend. You have to let yourself have fun every now and then, or you will begin to hate your life. And life is too short to be miserable all the time. Time goes by so quickly, and at the end of the day, stress is bad for your health. So take a break, and have some fun. Let yourself laugh and learn to enjoy the small things.
Do not let him hurt you.
The very first time that he yells at you for spilling a drink, or gets angry when you fall down, or puts his hands on you, LEAVE. He will not change for the better. You cannot change who he is. You do not deserve to be belittled, or abused, or broken. You are worth so much more than his opinion of you. He may be sweet when there are people around, and he may fool all of your friends. But, the person that you see when the two of you are alone, is the real man. Don’t believe what he says to you. Someone will love you more than he does, because, in reality, he doesn’t love you at all. Love isn’t expressed with fists, or bruises, or insults. You are worth more than that. Believe it.
