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9 Things I Trust More Than Our Current Presidential Candidates

May 30, 2016

DonkeyHotey on Flickr

Politicians aren't especially known to be trustworthy. More so, known to be manipulating and conniving liars who will do anything for a vote. It's hard to know exactly what you're voting for when voting in any election. But especially for this upcoming presidential election, it seems as though we have picked the worst of the worst. As if we literally searched the whole country for the worst candidates to be considered to lead this country and I wouldn't trust any of them. And there's a lot of things in this world that I wouldn't trust, but here are some pretty untrustworthy things that I would choose over our current presidential candidates any day.

1. Oatmeal raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies.

Seriously, this is just kind of evil. Biting into a cookie and expecting gooey chocolate and getting a big bite of raisin is enough to make me never trust a plate of those delicious looking things ever again. But, those cookies never change political parties and views in order to appeal to a majority. So I think I'll trust the deceiving cookies more.

2. A Big Foot sighting

I'm sure you did see him. I'm sure it wasn't bear, your dog, or a squirrel! But until you show me the actual Big Foot, I'm definitely not going to believe it. Unless you make me choose between that and enthusiastically voting for a current presidential candidate. Then I'd be all over finding Big Foot.

3. Jay-Z and Beyoncé's relationship

Don't even get me started. The emotions I'm feeling over this relationship is unbelievable. I totally don't trust Jay-Z and whatever infidelities he's up to. But he also hasn't deleted hundreds of emails for whatever reason, so I would trust him over some of our current candidates.

4. Illuminati conspiracy theories

I'm sure those YouTube videos you watched were super reliable and had great sources, but no I don't think that Rhianna is trying to start a new world order. And yes I know that Drake said 666 in a song once. You haven't convinced me that he's Satan yet.

5. A pregnancy announcement on April 1

The thing every teenage girl did to her mom and boyfriend on April Fools Day and then quickly realized was the stupidest thing ever. If you tell me that you're expecting on April 1, you should probably expect me to laugh in your face. But I would believe April Fools Day pregnancy announcements over the promises to restore this country looking at the candidates that we have now.

6. Sushi I found at the gas station

I don't think anyone could force me to eat raw fish wrapped in who knows what at the local 7/11. But if I had to choose between building a wall and some sweaty fish... bring it on, sketchy gas station.

7. The Arab Prince that keeps emailing me

Apparently, I have like 7 million dollars that this royalty is just waiting to give me. Totally doesn't seen shady at all, right? But I think if I hear one more misogynistic comment from a candidate, I might be hitting up my prince for that money he's promising me.

8. "You're the only girl I ever talk to."

Do not trust him! Just walk away now. As little as a trust this sentence, I would believe it in a heartbeat over the excuses we're hearing from presidential candidates this year.

And finally...

9. Donald Trump's hair

Enough said.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

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