1. Crisis #1

You know you’re in the right major, but is it the right major? Why is everything so…. much? Maybe you need to switch majors right now. Maybe all majors are the problem. Knowledge isn’t real. Everything is made up. You should drop out and become a carpenter or something. I bet you could make a table. Bill Gates dropped out and he’s a billionaire, that’s how it works.

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2. Cry

Just let your feelings out, and let the love in.

3. Netflix

It may not be the best idea to begin watching ten seasons of The Office right before the semester starts, but things aren’t on Netflix forever and you can’t know for sure until you try. Find a new show and start the semester by already struggling to balance binge-watching four seasons a week and doing your school work. It’ll be fun, right?

4. Ste

When you’re four episodes deep and the “Continue Playing?” screen pops up look into it. Look deep into the black void of your computer and reevaluate your life. Somehow you are already behind in the semester even though you’ve only just now got the syllabus. Acknowledge the stress and slowly push it down as you drag the mouse to the play head and click.

5. Junk Food

Times calories don’t count: finals, any federal or religious holidays, week before classes start, first week of classes, any time during your birth month, spring break, weekends, stressful days, lazy days, when you’re out with your friends, any moment that could possibly call for celebration, exam days, pre-exam study days, post-exam reward days, visiting new restaurants, visiting home, and Mondays.

6. Overcommit

Did you feel like you had at least a tentative grip on things last semester? Stir the waters by joining even more organizations and taking on more responsibilities. Who cares about sanity and stress when you can add another line to your resume?

7. Check Email

Seriously, one of your professors just sent an assignment due the first day of class.

8. Crisis #2

What are you doing here? No, not do you belong here, but what are you doing? Day in day out crunching information talking to people who one day you will see for the last time. Over and over: up out of bed, work, socialize, back to sleep. You only have a few more summers before you never see another real break for years*. And then what? What are you doing and why are you doing it?

We are all repeating the same motions in one way or another. Like humanity is a bunch of dominos each just lasting long enough to hit the next ones. It doesn’t matter why we fall because we always will, and we bring with us the weight of our actions, both the good and bad. Regardless of what you do the world will move on until one day it doesn’t, and it ushers in the loudest silence no one will ever hear.

*I know that someone’s gonna be all “I’m going to be a teacher so I get my summers off.” Okay, well have fun grading papers, bye.

9. Take A Deep Breath

Unless your class involves guessing at the nuclear launch codes, nothing that happens in college will be the end of the world. You can do this, probably. If you can’t then you will find out soon enough, and go from there. Things will be okay, someday.

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