These days, the MTA has been slower than ever thanks to De Blasio for the Second Avenue Subway that nobody asked for. People have been switching to Uber and Lyft as a faster alternative. Here, I present to you a list of things that are definitely faster than the MTA.

1. A rock

Yes, I am aware that rocks don't move.

2. This video of the Windows XP Startup Sound slowed down to 24 hours.

Yes, this is a real thing.

3. The three-toed sloth.

It moves 10 feet per minute, making it the slowest mammal in the world. As a matter of fact, it might actually be just as fast as the MTA!

4. A snail moving through peanut butter.

5. Lines at the DMV.

Yet, I still don't even have a permit!

6. A millennium.

Or maybe even a decade or, like, a day.

7. The phases of the moon.

8. My internet connection after I've used all the data on my family plan.

Sorry for the bill, dad.

9. The amount of time it takes a guy who is about to deny something he actually did to say "wow."