When most people hear the word "anxiety", they think of nervousness, sweaty palms, or twitching. But for those of us who suffer from different types of anxiety disorders, we think more along the lines of hyperventilation, sleepless nights, and internalized chaos. Living with anxiety is not an easy task, especially when trying to live a "normal" life. While my disorder has caused me a fair amount of problems throughout my life, and continues to even now as I am writing this, I refuse to be its victim. I will take some good out of it. The wisest and the strongest people are not given the easiest and the best situations, they enjoy the good they receive and they learn from the bad. Here is what I learned from my bad.
1. I am an ugly crier.
You may be thinking, "How is this a good thing?" Well, it's not. But it is better that I find out in the privacy of my own bedroom rather than at the premier of the new Nicholas Sparks movie that my mom somehow always guilt trips me into going to. And when I say ugly cry, it doesn't happen like it does in the movies where the little black mascara tears run down the main character's otherwise unaffected face. No, I'm talking full on raccoon eyed snot fest. It's gnarly. I apologize for the mental picture.
2. People just don't get it.
Most people that aren't affected by anxiety, or any mental disorder for that matter, simply don't understand them. It's not entirely their fault, we have a serious lack of awareness for mental illness due to its harsh stigma, and that has to stop. It makes me so angry when I hear people so nonchalantly say, "Oh my God, I'm gonna have a panic attack." Like, no you're not. You're just being a whiny brat. Stop. You are part of the problem.
3. It's okay not to be okay.
So you've had your third mental breakdown this week? That is okay! What matters is that you are still alive and moving along. Part of living with anxiety is understanding that you can't always control what is going on in your head and that is not your fault. You are not doing anything wrong. Just keep being the best human you can be and everything will be just fine. It is okay to fall apart, just as long as you put yourself back together and move on.
4. Sometimes it's as simple as breathing.
Every now and then when you get a little too worked up, you can just take a step back and take a big ole deep breath and just meditate for a little bit and fix everything. Sometimes all you need is a little space and time to really put things into perspective is any matter of life, not just when dealing with anxiety. There is not a thing wrong with taking a few moments to yourself if you need to. Close your eyes if you need to, go to that happy place. It sounds cheesy, but I promise it helps.
5. Sometimes only time can heal.
Everyone with anxiety develops their own ways of coping when deep breaths no longer suffice whether it be reading, taking a bath, or even ugly crying. But occasionally, with more severe attacks, even these won't help. Unfortunately you just have to wait it out sometimes. It can be anxiety, another illness, or not even an illness at all, but you have to realize that not everything is going to happen when you think it should. You have to be patient. Whatever it is you are going through, it will pass. It can't rain forever after all.
6. How to hide emotions.
When your anxiety conveniently decides to rear its ugly head during the middle of your class or your meeting, you don't want to cause a scene by Usain-Bolting out the door, so you contain it. You also don't want your fellow students/coworkers to glance over and see your face contorted and disfigured in pain, so you hide it. While internalizing emotions isn't always the best strategy, it does have it's advantages. Want to ask your crush out but you're completely terrified? If you're able to properly camouflage your emotions, they'll never know.
7. Mental illness does not mean crazy.
I grew up thinking that these things were synonymous, as most kids do. But I was way wrong. Crazy is the girl that breaks into your apartment and spray paints her name on the wall when you don't call her within 24 hours of the first date. Crazy is not the boy who sits in the back of the room because he doesn't want anyone to see his nervous ticks. Crazy isn't even the cute but slightly strangle little old lady that has actual conversations with herself because she has multiple personalities. Crazy, in my opinion, is being able to control how you act, and still doing something ridiculous. People with mental illness and disorders don't always have that choice.
8. How to educate people.
Many people that know me, aside from close family and friends, would have no idea that I have any sort of mental disorder. In fact, most people don't believe me if I do tell them. However, because I have an insight into anxiety and other mental disorders, I am able to explain them to people in a way that science can't. Yes, science can tell you what causes it and what is supposed to happen, and how to fix it. But science can't give you that raw emotion that people who experience it firsthand every day of their lives can. It's like the difference reading a description of your favorite song from a random music critic, and then hearing the song played live right in front of you.
9. I am stronger than any challenge I face.
To be completely honest, anxiety sucks. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I know there is much worse out there, and this isn't some "poor me" article. This article's purpose is to empower not only me, but anyone struggling with anxiety, or anything really. You are stronger than your challenges and you can overcome them. It may not feel like it sometimes, and that is okay. Take some time to regroup and refocus, and get back out there. You can't give up. If you can't be strong for yourself, be strong for someone else- a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a child, whoever. Know that they want to see you succeed. Find something that you are passionate about. Let that motivate you and there won't be a single obstacle that you can't overcome.
