Hey there, Odyssey. My name is Alana Fineman, and I identify as half Jewish.

My mother was raised Catholic and still identifies as such. My father came from a long line of Jews, had a Jewish mother, and was raised Jewish all through his childhood, with a bar mitzvah and the whole shebang.

Now I'm currently baptized into the Episcopal church and do my Christian duty of attending church only once a year on Christmas Eve (and I also celebrate Christmas), but because my dad was raised in a Jewish household while my mom was raised in a Catholic one, I experience a little bit of both cultures and religions, especially during the holidays.

Now if you're a Cashew like the Fineman children (part Catholic, part Jewish--get it?), you've probably found that not everybody can quite grasp the concept of it. Here's a list of nine things people have said to me over the years to illustrate just how hard of a time people seem to have with it.

1. "You don't look very Jewish."

I heard this a lot in high school, particularly because I had blonde hair at the time and blue eyes. Every now and then it would be paired with some variation of "You seem pretty Aryan" or "So would Hitler have known, or would you have been able to pass?" which is just not cool. Maybe I don't look Jewish, but maybe you didn't look like an asshole. Sometimes people are wrong.

2. "You celebrate Christmas? But your last name is Fineman, I was sure you were a Jew."

Yep, Fineman is one of those names like Goldberg or Shapiro or Cohen that are stereotypically Jewish. It's because my dad's Russian Jew ancestors came to Ellis Island with some seven-syllable Russian name ending in "vich" or "ovsky" that the immigration people couldn't pronounce, so they took a look at a male member of the family and said "You look like a fine man, so, guess that's your name now." And here we are. I've also been told (by Gentiles, mostly) that I have "Jew hair" and "a Jew nose", so while I don't look Jewish enough to some people, I look entirely too Jewish to others.

3. "Your mom's not Jewish, so you can't be either."

While it is true in the old Orthodox view that Judaism is passed down through the mother, other newer denominations accept children born to a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother. I do not identify as Orthodox, so I'm chillin'.

4. "Did you have a bat mitzvah?"

No, I did not. This does not necessarily mean I'm not Jewish though. You are born Jewish, and not having a bar or bat mitzvah does not make you any less Jewish. I'm not confirmed into the Episcopal church, but I still identify as Episcopalian, and the church doesn't see me as any less of a member. Judaism works the same way. But I've been to like, a shit ton of bat mitzvahs, and they were all crazy fun.

5. "But you celebrate Christmas, and Christmas is all about Jesus. Isn't that not cool when you're Jewish?"

People that say this are usually referring to how, according to Judaism, Jesus is not actually God's son, so I understand why they ask this--what's the point of celebrating the birth of Jesus if he was just another guy? This is because while I'm not Jewish by religion, I'm Jewish by heritage in the way that I have a very long Jewish ancestry dating at least as far back as the Bolshevik Revolution in the early 1900s, and you can't really deny that there is a culture associated with being Judaism that's separate from the religion itself. I identify as Jewish the same way that I identify as Russian on my dad's side, as well as German, Scandinavian, Scottish, etc. on my mom's side. Maybe that's a stretch, and maybe not everyone will agree that I'm technically Jewish based on that definition, but you know, no one really gets to tell me what I get and don't get to identify as, so...

6. "Don't Jews not believe in hell? If you're both Christian and Jewish, where do you go when you die?"

Correct, Jews don't believe in hell. I did not believe in hell before I knew this about Judaism. The idea of a hateful God that sends people there does not make sense to me, since I don't really believe that anyone on earth is 100% evil and deserves to spend eternity suffering. I always thought God loved everyone, and I don't know why anyone who loved you would feel okay sending you somewhere like that. So the lack of hell in Judaism very much appeals to me, and I feel like the Episcopalian God I believe in would be okay with that.

7. "Are latkes good?"

Yeah, they're amazing. So is brisket. We had both of those things for Christmas dinner last year. Matzoh ball soup is also incredible, and so is Manischewitz Wine, and I literally cannot remember the last time I ate a bagel without lox on it. Jewish food is where it's at.

8. "So if you're not really Jewish, can you go on Birthright?"

I have done pretty extensive research on Birthright. The verdict? I have one Jewish parent, so I'm good to go! But also, you don't get to tell me what I get to identify as, so please refer to number four for more information on that.

9. "You can't play Cathy in The Last Five Years."

For those who aren't familiar, The Last Five Years is a musical by Jason Robert Brown that follows a couple through their entire romantic relationship. There is a song called "Shiksa Goddess," where the very Jewish Jamie sings about how he's found a fantastic woman, named Cathy, who happens to not be Jewish, hence the term "shiksa," which refers to a female outside of the Jewish faith. This statement implies that because I am partly Jewish, I can't play a shiksa. However, there's this really cool thing called "acting" that people do sometimes where they pretend to be someone that they're not. Seeing as how The Last Five Years constitutes as theatre, I think I could handle the challenge.